The Unhealthy INFJ is not fun to be around. INFJs are not called the Counsellor or Advocate for nothing. They are typically very warm people who are sensitive to other people’s needs and desires.
However, the unhealthy INFJ can be formed due to several factors like environment and the unwillingness to spot weaknesses in our character and fix them. The essence of learning about unhealthy personality types is to figure out your blind spots and work hard to fix them. Personal development is the only we can become better as human beings.
If you’ve always wondered what the signs are, not to worry! Here are top signs to look out for when spotting the unhealthy INFJ
The Unhealthy INFJ: What to Expect
They must be perfect all the time
INFJs value people’s opinions a lot so they strive to be in everyone’s good books. Because of this, they’re quite the perfectionists. They try to be perfect in everything they do or say. When they make a mistake, they beat themselves over it so bad, you’d think they killed somebody.
INFJs dislike trying new things. They hate leaving their comfort zone. Give them a different task than the one they’ve been used to and they will freak out. The typical unhealthy INFJ will go over a document one hundred times to ensure that there is no error, just because he/she doesn’t want criticisms.
The unhealthy INFJ is afraid of failure. Their self-worth is tied to how well they work or how well others perceive them.
They put other people’s needs before theirs
The secondary function of an INFJ is extraverted feeling. This helps them to use their introverted intuition to notice patterns and arrive at conclusions that benefit other people. INFJs are warm and considerate people who put the needs of others before theirs.
Before they decide on something, they will think deeply about how that action will affect other people. They are very selfless and can go out of their way to ensure that people they love are happy. However, the unhealthy INFJ will always go out of their way to put people’s needs before theirs until they run out of energy.
At the end of the day, they become something they don’t recognize.
They suck at creating boundaries
The unhealthy INFJ sucks at creating and keeping boundaries. They seek external validation so much that they allow anyone and anything trample on their personal space.
Unhealthy INFJs allow people use them either directly or indirectly, even if it means disrupting their own plans. Setting boundaries makes them feel bad. They feel the people involved will be disappointed with them or will disrupt their relationship.
They fail to understand that personal boundaries should exist in their lives to protect them and filter people in their lives, not drive people aware. Their lack of boundaries is causing them to shed more skin than they’re supposed to.
They feel responsible for how everyone else feels
INFJs typically feel some sort of emotional or psychological responsibility for how everyone else feels. Their secondary function, extraverted feeling, makes them to try to regulate their relationships and do things in people’s best interests.
This isn’t a bad trait. It’s good to ensure that everyone around you feels good and positive about themselves. The world is strenuous as it is. However, the unhealthy INFJ takes it up a notch. They feel they’re responsible for how everyone else feels, even if it has nothing to do with them.
For instance, if someone they love had a bad experience, they do everything they can to cheer the person up even if it involves cancelling their plans.
They don’t keep track of their emotions
INFJs stay emotionally balanced by talking about expressing their feelings. If an INFJ has a fight with their significant other, the only way they can regulate their feelings and move on is by talking about it.
However, the unhealthy INFJ suppresses their emotions and improves their thinking skills. They wouldn’t talk about how they feel, no matter how happy or hurt they are. In most cases, they would even hate over introverts that are emotionally showy.
Now, no one is saying you should live by your emotions. But the healthy INFJ will recognize that emotional expressions are at the core of their being. They can only truly live authentic lives when they don’t forsake their emotional states.
They hate saying no
This is closely connected with not creating or keeping boundaries. The Unhealthy INFJ is a typical people pleaser. Because of this, they find it hard to say no even if it encroaches into their personal space.
People pleasers find it hard to say no because they’re afraid of being looked at or perceived wrongly. They hate saying no because they’re avoiding disagreements, fights, confrontations, conflicts, or anything that can damage the relationship.
The unhealthy INFJ never wants to disappoint people. They may not want to piss people off or emasculate a man’s ego, so they take whatever is thrown at them.
They don’t take life seriously
The unhealthy INFJ doesn’t take life seriously. Now, nobody should take life too seriously. Life is meant to be enjoyed with the people you love the most and on things that truly matter.
But, one should endeavor to take THEIR lives seriously because we only have a finite number of years to spend on this earth. INFJs are quite passive. They’re chill, laid back, and allow people to get their way most of the time.
However, the unhealthy INFJ allows that attitude to sip into their personal lives. They allow people to make decisions on their behalf, so that they don’t have to be wrong.
They’re very secretive
You can’t put a pin on the unhealthy INFJ’s character. You don’t know what goes on inside their heads or bodies. The unhealthy INFJ is formed by a series of trauma and bad experiences, so they feel they’ll never be understood.
Because of this, they become secretive about their plans, dreams, goals, ambitions, and vision for life. They believe that if they don’t show who they truly are, they wouldn’t feel the need to change or be criticized. In severe cases, they even shut out their emotions. They believe that everyone is out to get them, so it’s them against the world.
They’re not easily forgiving
Healthy INFJs use the door slam to cut toxic people from their lives. The door slam may be physical or emotional. When the INFJ resorts to using the door slam, know that they have probably tried every avenue to solve the problem but to no avail.
Now, note that it’s not only the INFJ personality that does this. Most personalities do. However, the INFP does it more prominently.
However, the unhealthy INFJs are not easily forgiving people. Instead of finding healthy ways to get to the root of the problem, they’d just shut out people completely. It becomes the only way they handle issues. They hold grudges a lot, too.
They focus on other people’s problems more than theirs
As mentioned earlier, INFJs are generally very caring and considerate. They try their best to ensure that everyone around them is happy. Whenever they want to take an action, they always think, “how will this action affect other people?”
However, the unhealthy INFJ takes it two steps further by handling every other person’s problems and disregarding theirs. Everyone becomes a priority in their life before them. They allow other people’s problems and negative emotions bother them so much that it can even ruin their plans for the day. They take care of their problems and mental health last.
