The INFJ Door Slam is not a new phenomenon. Many INFJs use the door slam to deal with certain experiences in their lives, but don’t quite know the word to describe it. If you’re an INFJ, you can definitely relate to this experience.
The INFJ personality type stands for Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, and Judgment. They’re the rarest personality type in the world, which is why they often feel lonely and misunderstood.
INFJs are known to be great thinkers and visionaries who deeply care for people around them. They are known to be emotionally intelligent people who are sensitive to the needs of others. This makes them to genuinely fight for causes they care about.
Why do INFJs, then, resort to door slams? Let’s find out.
What is the INFJ Door Slam Like?
Door slamming involves cutting someone off without warning or explanations. It involves removing them from your life and avoiding someone as much as possible. The INFJ door slams happens when an INFJ cuts someone from their life entirely.
Types of Door Slams
Now, there are two types of door slams: physical and emotional door slams.
As the name implies, physical door slams involves cutting someone off physically. You have no physical interactions with them whatsoever. If they come in one direction, you turn the other way. You might even delete any memorable pictures you have with that person so that you don’t stir up imaginations, or even unfollow their accounts on various social media platforms.
Examples of physical door slams can happen with romantic or friendship breakups.
Emotional slamming, on the other hand, involves maintaining direct or indirect contact with the person, but minimize it. They can’t afford to cut the person off completely, so they cut the person off in their minds.
If the person was close to them, they stop being emotionally open to those people. They stop giving those persons access to their emotions, thoughts, and feelings. This can involve their family members or classmates at work.
Now note that not only INFJs do the door slam. Other personality types do as well, but the INFJs do them more prominently. This is a trait that contradicts their soft, warm, gentle, and sensitive nature. INFJs always look out for others, so it’s hard to imagine them turning their back on someone completely.
In most cases, the INFJ door slam is a defence mechanism against toxic behaviour. Most personality types use it as a defence mechanism. INFJs are naturally very forgiving people, so they only use the door slam when they’ve been pushed to the wall. When the problem escalates to this stage, there is little to nothing you can do to solve it.
It’s not easy for INFJs to decide on this. Healthy INFJs often do this to protect their mental health and save their energy for more rewarding relationships. The unhealthy INFJ tends to use the door slam to cut off relationships, even without trying to solve the problem.
Why the INFJ Door Slam?
Why Do INFJs resort to door slamming?
INFJ door slam occur when people become toxic and harmful. When somebody repeatedly hurts their feelings, they may cut them out. They do this to prevent themselves from further harm and pain.
INFJs are very caring and sensitive, so words hurt them a lot. As much as they try to care for everyone at the same time, they need so much love, attention, and emotional support.
If they continuously give themselves off to people without prioritizing their mental health, they soon burn out physically and emotionally, and imibe toxic habits. They believe relationships
Whenever someone hurts them, they try their best to forgive and accommodate their excesses. But just like every other personality type, INFJs have their limits.
When an INFJ slams the door against you, know that they don’t have another way of dealing with the pain you caused them. Now people try to justify their actions by claiming that they didn’t mean to hurt the INFJ, but the hurt is there regardless.
Why should the door remain closed?
When an INFJ slams a door, they’re unlikely to open it again. This is because a lot of thought and intentionality goes into slamming an INFJ door. For them to reopen the door, they have to be 100% certain that the person will not cause them pain anymore.
They should understand how much hurt and damage their actions have caused, and must be willing to sincerely apologize and change. When the damage is too much, they wouldn’t open the door, and they have every right to do so especially when they’re dealing with narcissistic, needy, and toxic people.
We all know how impossible that is, because of our human frailty. Once trust is broken, it’s hard to rebuild.
Read: The Unhealthy INFJ
The INFJ door slam is more common because they’re helpers by design. The INFJ loves to help others become the best version of themselves, even it’s detrimental to their own personal growth.
They relate with any and every emotional issue there is. This is why INFJs are more prone to entering abusive relationships out of pity. They’re easily taken advantage of.
INFJs shouldn’t open the door when the situation is toxic- if the person is causing you distress, the relationship is verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive, or you have been manipulated or taken advantage of several times.
How to Avoid the INFJ Door Slam
It’s easy to believe that those who go out of their way to always love and care for others, love themselves in return. But that’s not always the case. As much as INFJs love to care and fend for others, they need to be loved as well.
Be mindful of how you speak to an INFJ. They’re extremely sensitive, so your choice of words matter to them a lot. They love being surrounded by emotionally intelligent people who can sense their moods and know when they’re drained.
The INFJs love relationships that are reciprocated. Once the people they treat with love and care do the same for them, there will be no door slam.
