Do you struggle to have a great conversation as an introvert? Trust me, you’re not alone. Introverts naturally have smaller social batteries. This is why they mostly spend time on only meaningful conversations and people.
Most introverts struggle with social settings. They dread having conversations with people they’re not used to. However, no one can function as an island. You need to associate with people and engage with them. You need people to help you to grow and evolve.
Our society doesn’t function that way. It won’t wait for you to snuggle in your bed and continue to wander in dreamland. You need to make the right set of friends if you want to advance in every area of your life. Opportunities won’t come to you if you’re scrolling through Instagram all day.
Here are some tips to help you to have a great conversation as an introvert (as any personality, really)
How do you have a great conversation as an introvert?
- Don’t despise small talk entirely
Yes, introverts hate small talk. They hate when extroverts try to engage them in small talk. It annoys them that people don’t want to talk about meaningful things. Like, why can’t they? It saps their energy.
But the truth is, don’t entirely despise small talk. Small talk is the best and easiest way to make friends or talk to strangers. Would you walk up to someone for the first time and ask them,
“What do you think about political power in the percolation-up model?”
They’d think you’re crazy.
When you make small talk, it shows that you understand the basic rules of social engagement. It makes people comfortable around you and helps them open up.
Also, don’t think people are boring or empty when they make small talk. You might have similar interests over time. But you’d never know if you don’t start with small talk.
- Don’t be scared to say what you think
It’s super easy for introverts to develop an inferiority complex. They are usually less confident than introverts and more prone to depression. This is one of the reasons why they usually don’t talk in public settings.
If you want to have a great conversation, don’t be scared to say what you think. Most times, you may not be willing to express yourself for fear of looking stupid. But you need to eliminate this fear to grow.
Give yourself permission to say what’s in your mind, regardless of what you think other people may think. You never know what people’s thoughts on issues are until you voice out yours. This also helps to filter the relationships that come into your life.
It will attract the right people that can have deep conversations, but repel people with shallow thought processes.
You will never know if you say nothing.
- Be relatable
One of the ways to have a great conversation is to be relatable. People love talking to others with similar life experiences or thoughts. How do you do this?
You can start by sharing small vulnerabilities. Become comfortable with sharing your feelings, thoughts, and experiences. Once you’ve become comfortable with this, then share little insecurities relevant to the conversation.
Insecurities differ. Yours may be different from other people’s. However, the common insecurity most introverts have is imposter syndrome. They often doubt themselves even though they’ve worked tirelessly for the opportunity.
Here are some relatable things you can say:
- I’m so self-conscious. Working out in the gym is such a huge problem for me.
- Do I feel beautiful? Not all the time, even when fully dressed.
- I feel I don’t deserve this opportunity sometimes
When you share little vulnerabilities like this, people can relate with you better. There is nothing you’re facing that someone hasn’t faced.
- Slowly graduate from small talk to deep conversations
While you should make conversations with strangers initially, slowly graduate to deeper conversations. You can’t survive for long with small talk. Zoning out becomes inevitable after a while.
How do you do this?
You first inquire. This is part of making small talk. Ask them about their lives, even the minor ones. When they answer the question positively, then you can relate to it. Share a similar experience you’ve had (or better still, share some vulnerability). After this, follow up with questions and responses.
Before you know it, a healthy conversation has begun.
For instance,
You: How did your day go?
Partner: Was pretty stressful. Had a long day at work.
You: Oh, I can imagine. Where do you work?
Partner: I work at MNM. A public relations firm.
You Sounds huge. Have a friend that works in a PR firm as well. Never really know what public relations is all about anyway. Care to tell me?
Partner: Oh well, it’s basically….
And so it begins…
- Don’t be scared of closed questions
Open questions are usually better for conversations. They allow the users to spring into different other areas. Open questions are flexible because they allow the users to add more information or details.
For instance, open questions include
“What is your perfect holiday destination?”
“Why would you like to go there?”
“What do you think about the Squid Game Movie?”
These questions embody several questions in-between.
However, closed questions require specific answers. There is usually one correct answer or limited options. You may have been told that closed questions are bad for conversations, but don’t write them off. They can serve as great conversation starters.
For instance, closed questions include,
“What is your name?”
“Does this pen belong to you?”
In cases like this, the answer is usually yes, no, or a short response. Don’t be scared to ask closed questions. They can indirectly start a great conversation.
- Act when shy
There is a close relationship between introversion and shyness. Not all introverts are shy, and not all shy people are introverts. Most people claim to be shy, but only about 15% of people actually are.
Now, I come bearing good news: Shyness is not a disorder. It’s simply a personality trait. Most people allow shyness to prevent them from making life-changing decisions or having amazing conversations.
Just like any other trait or feeling, it’s something that can be controlled/managed. You can choose to not allow that feeling to control you.
Imagine you’re at work and you need to talk to a client. You’d not go back to your boss and excuse your incompetence on the basis of shyness now, would you? A sack letter will properly be waiting for you before the day runs out.
This also applies to making conversations. You need to act regardless of how you feel. This doesn’t mean that you’d disregard your shyness or nervousness. Acknowledge it, but don’t allow it to rule you.
It’s possible to be shy but still have great conversational records. Choose to talk to people anyway, especially those with similar interests as you do.
Tell yourself that your shyness isn’t as obvious as you think.
- Have a great conversation by contributing to group discussions
Introverts find group conversations both soothing and tense at the same time. It’s soothing because it’s easier to drown yourself in group conversations.
This is especially true if you have extroverts leading the discussion perfectly well. There will be little to no need to talk so much.
However, it can become tense when they’re asked to actually contribute. Introverts are pretty self-conscious people. They’re very aware of what people think or feel about them. People’s opinions matter to them a lot (well, most of them)
Yes, it can be quite hard to keep up with conversations because they love monitoring people’s reactions. Once they feel they’re being ignored in any way, tension creeps in.
You need to learn to contribute to group conversations. The secret to having good conversations in such settings is proper body language. Here’s a simple trick: Inhale and make a gesture with your hand before speaking. This helps to gather attention and stabilize the room.
- Expose your natural curiosity
It’s easier for introverts to get distracted than extroverts. They’re more likely to zone out or mentally leave a conversation. This is because they’re either too overwhelmed or simply distracted by their thoughts.
One way to stay focused is to think about the other person. Ask questions about the other person. This also helps you to derive questions, whether open or closed. The conversation should help you to know a fellow human being.
For instance, if they say they’ve been feeling ill lately because they overworked themselves, you can ask yourself:
Where do they work?
Have they experienced the sickness before?
What is the most stressful part about their work?
This helps you to know your partner better and engage in meaningful conversations. You wouldn’t know if you both have similar interests unless you speak with each other. Also, focusing on your partner prevents mental distractions. They’re all that matters at that moment, not you or your phone.
- Have more extroverted friends
This might look basic but it works magic.
You need someone to rely on as a safety blanket in the meantime. It may not be a good long-term strategy, but it’s enough to get you started.
You can start by inviting your extroverted friend to come with you to a social event. That way, you can play off their strengths. They can do the networking, while you ask more thoughtful questions.
