Shyness and introversion have been misunderstood for a very long time. Some people who are core introverts are often misunderstood as shy. Others who are shy are often misunderstood as introverts, even though they’re extroverts.
You’re not shy. You’re just an introvert.
There are several compelling arguments that show the distinct difference between the two. Research from the Journal of Research in Personality shows that shyness is a primary factor, while introversion is a higher factor that has deep-rooted behavioral implications.
Popular media doesn’t make it easy. Introverts are often portrayed as shy kids who find it difficult to talk to other people, especially those of the opposite sex. But that’s not always the case.
Introverts make great friends. They do very well in leadership positions. Some have gone on to amass a great fortune for themselves. They make great romantic partners. So, what if these people are just introverts and not shy?
Before delving into the differences, what are the different types of shyness?
Different types of Shyness
You’d realize here that shyness and introversion are not the same.
- Dependent shyness:
This group of people wants to associate with people so badly but their social batteries don’t give room. Shy-dependent people cope with this by overcompensating. They try to push other people’s needs before theirs.
These people may try to do whatever others want, even though it’s not their thing. They easily adapt to varying situations, but how long you will pretend to like football when you’d rather stay in bed and binge-watch Netflix shows?
- Withdrawn shyness:
These people are so nervous about social interaction. They are often very sensitive people, so they worry so much about judgmental reactions, rejections, or saying things that will often people.
This category is often very lonely. This is because there are no “healthy” friendships that don’t have disagreements from time to time.
If you’re always scared about people’s judgments, then you shouldn’t be around people at all.
- Secure Shyness
This category of people doesn’t allow their shyness to shine through too much. They are socially anxious, but they don’t socialize a lot with people so others don’t notice. These people can be somewhere new with an acquaintance and converse with that person on a lowkey.
They will do it because they have to, not because they’re excited or interested.
- Conflicted shyness
This category of people want to socialize so badly, but anxiety tramples on that desire. They are caught between withdrawing to themselves or reaching out to other people.
Shy-conflicted people also anticipate anxiety without being in the state. They fear going out knowing that will definitely have social contact
Introversion vs Shyness
The difference between introversion and shyness is the social choice. One can choose to be social without anxiety, while the other can’t.
Introverts choose whether or not to interact with others. They just choose the latter because they prefer privacy and solitude. Shy people, on the other hand, can’t do the same thing. Socializing is a big struggle for them.
For instance, an introvert may have an event to attend, but would rather spend that time reading a book at home. They can “choose” whether or not to attend that event. But shy people may really want to attend that event, but social anxiety gets in the way.
They either don’t go to the party at all or go and refuse to speak to anyone out of fear.
Now, the great news is, anyone can overcome social anxiety. It’s something socially anxious people should strive to overcome because it ruins potential relationships. It limits your life. Your networking ability goes a long way in determining how successful you will be in life.
How to Cope with Shyness
As mentioned earlier, not all introverts are shy people, and not all shy people are introverts. It’s easier to get therapy for shyness, but not for introversion. Some introverts have great social skills, but they will need some time to cool off and recharge after engaging in several social activities.
Therapy can help shy people, that’s a fact. But problems arise when people have a wrong misunderstanding of introversion and shyness, and then try to use therapy to change an introvert to an extrovert.
This will lead to low self-esteem and stress.
Here are some effective ways to cope with shyness
How can you cope with shyness?
- Select the right relationships
This is so important. If you’re shy, hang around people who understand your personality. It’s okay to have few but deep friendships. That way, you don’t have to be uncomfortable around strangers.
This also applies if you have an introverted boyfriend or girlfriend
- Don’t tolerate shyness or introversion bullies
Let’s be honest with ourselves- this world was built for extroverts. There are people who will constantly mock you for being quiet or socially anxious.
Some people don’t care who’s hurt or what’s appropriate for a season. Don’t tolerate them. They didn’t create you, so they shouldn’t have any opinion regarding you.
- Don’t engage with the label
When people have a bad habit or problem, they usually label themselves that. But it shouldn’t be the case. Don’t label yourself as shy even if you are.
You’re an individual with a unique identity, so don’t let a single trait define you.
- Don’t self-sabotage
Sometimes, we are our worst enemies. We constantly put ourselves down, either to make others feel better or because we feel we don’t deserve it. Don’t put yourself down because of your self-sabotaging beliefs.
You only have social anxiety, not a death sentence. It can be overcome.
- Don’t advertise your shyness
Some people have this bad habit of exposing their weaknesses to people, even before they commit them. That is wrong. People who are close to you already know. Those who meet you as you move on will find out sooner or later. Others have no business knowing.
It may not even be as pronounced as you think.
How to help your introverted child
The first thing you should do as a parent is to understand that introversion is not a mental disorder that requires therapy or physical treatment. Maybe you’d have preferred your child to be more outspoken or socially active, but that is not the case.
Recognize that your child can develop the right social skills to help him/her thrive in society.
What can you do?
- Differentiate whether they’re shy or just coping with introversion. Some parents confuse the two.
- Don’t force them to always go out and “play” with other children when they’re locked up in their room. They may simply be recharging their social battery. If they need to go out, they will.
- Accept that you won’t always have your child’s friend over, or even see a lot of their friends. If they manage to sustain one good friend, encourage the friendship to thrive.
- Recognize that your child may not want to be around you or anyone else. This doesn’t mean that they hate you. They just rather spend that time alone.
- Don’t jump from one social activity to another. They may need time to recharge, so moving from one event to another may make them cranky and tired.
- Understand that they may just want a walk at the park instead of throwing a birthday party like the rest of their friends.
- If your child is shy or socially anxious, therapy can help.
