Introverts dread small talk. It’s not because they’re shy or antisocial. In most cases, they’re scared that they have nothing interesting to say about their lives or that they wouldn’t have a meaningful conversation. They’d rather be alone than talk about their favorite color or movie on Netflix.
However, no man was created to be an island. We’re meant to socialize with people at some point, and small talk is the easiest way for people to warm up to each other. You can’t avoid it.
Small talk can help you to make your first set of friends in college as an introvert or climb up the business ladder. You wouldn’t meet someone for the first time and ask them about their thoughts on the Russian-Ukraine war and its impact on the global economy now, would you?
You would even need to make small talk with your friends once in a while.
So how can introverts make small talk with people without getting bored or disinterested quickly? Here are a few tips that can work wonders for your future conversations.
But first, why do Introverts detest small talk?
Why Do Introverts Hate Small Talk?
How do you know that someone is an introvert? One of the key ways is to watch their attitude to small talk. Some introverts might even decline invitations to events if they know they’ll have to make small talk all through.
Why is small talk so hard for introverts?
It feels meaningless to them
It’s super easy for introverts to get socially exhausted. They don’t know how to interact with people for hours on end as extroverts do.
They only have a limited capacity for conversations, so they’d rather use it to have deep, meaningful conversations that might add value to their lives instead of asking about the weather or what they had for lunch.
Most introverts feel that conversations filled with small talk will be forgotten in thirty minutes or less, so why waste precious time on them?
Small talk can be distracting
This often affects them in public spaces. An introvert may want to take some time off to recharge his/her social battery, focus on their job, or do something productive with their life. Small talk tends to distract them. If they’re friends with chatty extroverts, they find it hard to focus at those moments.
The truth is that introverts work best alone. If you’re dating an introvert and are unsure why your presence at certain times annoys them, they probably just want to be alone to work or just think. It has nothing to do with you.
How Introverts Can Make Small Talk More Exciting
Introverts can master the art of small talk with the following tips
Change your perspective about small talk
Every wrong notion you have about small talk is all in your head. You can’t improve at a thing you think isn’t important. Small talk isn’t boring, useless or meaningless. It forms the base that allows people to connect and build real and intimate relationships with each other.
Think about small talk as the precursor to the main event. Once you change your perspective about small talk, it becomes easier to navigate and work on.
Encourage people to talk about themselves
Instead of asking shallow questions like “what did you have for lunch?”, you can open a great conversation by encouraging the other party to talk about themselves. Everyone loves to talk about themselves, even antisocial and shy people.
Open-ended questions help to keep the conversation flowing without draining either party. Follow up with more questions but don’t forget to throw in more information about yourself there. It’s a conversation, not an interview. Don’t make the other person feel like they’re being questioned.
You’d be surprised at how far you can go in a conversation without putting in much effort.
Answer questions like a pro
Introverts who detest small talk often respond to questions with short, one-word answers. This isn’t going to lead anywhere. It will only portray you as a detached person. When asked a question, answer the questions and leave room for more conversations.
For instance, let’s assume that someone asks, “how are you today?”. Instead of just going with the basic response of “I’m fine”, why don’t you reply with, “I am fine, thank you. A little bit stressed and under the weather though” or “I am very fine. How are you doing? You look amazing” and then the conversation can flow as it should.
Be genuinely curious about the other person
Introverts are no strangers to curiosity. Most introverts engage in deep and meaningful work because it intrigues them and sparks their curiosity.
In the same vein, you can re-route this curiosity when making small talk. When you’re genuinely interested in what the other person has to say, it shows. Ask genuine questions and show your speaking partner that you want to hear what they have to say.
Don’t fiddle with your phone or set your eyes somewhere else when having the conversation. Answer questions thoughtfully, not straight up one-word answers. Don’t forget to smile.
Learn to be vulnerable
One of the easiest ways to transition from small talk to deep conversations is by being vulnerable. People love to connect and relate to other people’s vulnerabilities. The world is full of imperfect people trying to portray perfect lives.
When you’re vulnerable and suddenly share certain personal information about yourself, it makes the other party suddenly interested in what you have to say and the connection deepens.
For instance, let’s assume you have an eating disorder. You can casually drop it during the conversation and explain how hard it is to stop. This doesn’t mean you’d start talking about your problems to random strangers. It only means that sharing intimate parts of yourself helps you to connect and relate to other people quickly.
Be anxious for nothing
Most introverts have social anxiety. The level of anxiety varies for different people. For some, it can be a slight unease. For others, the anxiety can shoot through the roof. It can make them fiddle with their phones in public to feign busyness.
It’s okay to have social anxiety once in a while, but it shouldn’t stop you from making meaningful connections with other people. You have to stay positive and fight the self-limiting beliefs that could cause this anxiety.
Some people may feel that they’re boring or uninteresting. Some even feel like they’re not likable. That’s not true. What if they don’t like you? Who cares? Feel positive about yourself. See yourself as someone anyone should be lucky to talk to.
Don’t expect your conversations to be as smooth as butter
Lower your expectations. Every conversation doesn’t have to go the way you want it to. You can try to make small talk with people and they wouldn’t respond positively. Some people may not be in the mood to talk or maybe battling social anxiety, and that’s okay. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
