When you think of narcissists, what comes to your mind? They are typically bold, arrogant, and commandeering individuals with an exaggerated sense of self.
However, narcissism takes a lot of forms, so it’s hard to know which one is exhibited even though there are general traits of narcissism.
Two popular and opposing types of narcissists that exist are covert and overt narcissists. The type of narcissist that people are used to is the overt narcissist. But what of the covert narcissists– the people who appear seemingly shy and modest but are just as dangerous and manipulating as any narcissist could be?
Let’s learn about them, shall we?
What is an Overt Narcissist like?
This is the type of narcissist that people are used to. Overt Narcissists have an extroverted personality that usually opens social rooms for them, but their lack of empathy and exaggerated egos don’t keep them in those rooms for long.
One easy way to know an overt narcissist is that they are attention seekers. Attention to an overt narcissist is as important as food and oxygen. They make themselves super easy to spot in the crowd and are good at drawing attention from other people to themselves.
Their sense of entitlement is second to none. The overt narcissist typically believes that he/she is better than everyone else. They have grandiose fantasies that push them to be overly ambitious and want things on an extremely grand scale.
Signs of an Overt Narcissist
How can you spot an overt narcissist? Here are some peculiar signs
They enjoy attracting attention to themselves
In most cases, they don’t care whether it’s positive or negative. They only want the spotlight to be on them because they feel they’re worthy of it.
This affects them in their social gatherings, workplaces, religious houses, or any other place where social interaction is needed. They prefer special treatment in any situation, even when it doesn’t favor other people.
They prey on the vulnerable
Once the overt narcissist sees that you have low confidence or self-esteem, they will seize every opportunity to make you feel beneath them. They often do this by overstating their accomplishments or picking out everything they do wrong.
They’re uncomfortable with criticisms
Just like every other narcissist, the overt narcissist doesn’t take criticisms lightly. This is because they have absorbed this perfectionist idea about themselves, so any criticisms that don’t resonate with that idea will not resonate with them.
However, they are totally comfortable with criticizing other people and making themselves look like immaculate angels.
They are quite hardworking
Surprisingly, overt narcissists are very hardworking and ambitious people. They often achieve anything they set their minds to, as long as it will inflate their ego and boost their social status. The only problem is that they often go to great lengths to achieve that goal, even if it means hurting other people.
They are often proud and arrogant
This doesn’t come as a surprise. Pride and arrogance ooze out of their body because that is the only way to show some form of superiority or accomplishment.
This prevents them from learning from other people or acknowledging their wrongdoing in any circumstance. They’d rather play the victim even though they’re clearly wrong
What is a Covert Narcissist like?
Covert narcissists are also known as introverted narcissists. There are several similarities between covert and overt narcissists, but the differences are very clear.
Covert narcissists appear very shy, modest, and humble. They often lack the grandiosity that overt narcissists exhibit in social spaces.
However, they don’t exhibit these traits solely because of their introversion. They are often filled with shame and self-doubt. Everyone else is better in their eyes. This causes them to be excessively envious and jealous of other people.
Regardless of these traits, they have the major characteristics of any narcissist. They hardly empathize with other people and use subtle manipulation as a controlling tool.
Signs of a Covert Narcissist
They enjoy attracting sympathy and pity
The covert narcissist thrives on sympathy and pity. Instead of being loud and extravagant, they would often downplay their skills and talents so that others can reassure them. They’re excellent at giving self-pitying performances and crying at unnecessary times.
In several cases, they also exaggerate their illnesses so that they can get pity. They are ready to create a problem to gain attention.
They suffer from depression and anxiety
Covert narcissists suffer from depression and anxiety more than other types of narcissists. This is because they are often poor achievers that spend more time comparing their lives with others than actually pursuing what they want.
In most cases, they become very depressed and anxious because their perfect imaginary lives don’t coincide with their present realities.
Blame and shame
They would rather blame other people, institutions, and circumstances for their misfortunes than take responsibility for their lazy and condescending attitudes. They are never the bad guys in their story.
Habitually sucking off their loved ones
Covert narcissists are emotionally draining. They have complex personalities that make it difficult for people to decipher their true intentions or state of mind. So, this prevents them from creating deep and trusting relationships with others.
They are always envious of others
Covert narcissists are always jealous and envious of what others have because they don’t have the balls to go for what they want. They spend so much time comparing their lives with others and castigating other people.
They’re underachievers
Covert narcissists suffer from chronic aimlessness. They have several goals and ambitions but are often too lazy to work on them. When they manage to, they always try to find shortcuts either by manipulating other people or bringing hardworking people down. They often have nothing to show for their years of existence.
Chronic liars
Covert narcissists are chronic liars. Their lives are excessively boring, so they don’t mind adding extra details to make their stories more pitiful. They use these lies to hide their low self-esteem, shyness, and self-doubt.
They are quite materialistic
Covert narcissists love the finer things of life, but they often don’t show it either because of their public perception or their inability to afford these things. However, they are very quick to castigate people who actually buy these expensive things.
What are the differences between a Covert and An Overt Narcissist?
The major difference between both types of narcissists is that overt narcissists are open about their arrogant, delusional, selfish, and self-absorbing personalities. But covert narcissists tend to hide theirs and portray more humane qualities to obtain favor.
Below are more distinct differences between a covert and an overt narcissist:
| Covert narcissists | Overt narcissists | |
| 1 | They are often introverts | They are often extroverts |
| 2 | They are often shy and modest | They are often proud, arrogant, and loud-mouthed |
| 3 | They are mostly underachievers who blame everyone else for their misery | They are hardworking and very ambitious |
| 4 | They thrive on shame and pity | They thrive on attention |
| 5 | They belittle their talents so that other people will praise them | They exaggerate their ambitions |
Can a narcissist be overt and covert?
Yes, they can. Both covert and overt narcissists share general characteristics of narcissism. Both types are very manipulative, conniving, quick to belittle others, lack empathy, and are only caring or generous when they have something to gain. They never accept that they’re wrong.
A person can switch from covert to overt narcissism and vice versa because both are quite similar. The switching depends on what the person is trying to gain or achieve.
For instance, an overt narcissist may put on the fake persona of a covert narcissist by being shyer, softer, more loving, and more caring to be able to get what he/she wants. Also, a covert narcissist can become very boastful and arrogant, and may openly belittle other people for a short time after achieving a great feat. It’s easy to fluctuate between either personality.
But the bottom line is that both suck.
