Why is leaving an abusive relationship difficult? Lots of people find themselves in an abusive relationship but most times other factors prevent them from acknowledging it. It is important to understand that abuse comes in various form. Most times people associate an abusive relationship to be a more physical one.
Although physical abuse is up there in the list, it is important to understand that it’s a lot more than that. People can be abused mentally, physical, psychologically, and emotionally. It can drain an individual every day of their lives until they find the courage to leave and even at that, adjusting can be a huge challenge.
To third parties, leaving an abusive relationship seems so easy. Just pack up your things and leave. But for the victims of this relationships, it’s a lot more complicated and scarier. In some cases, the person leaves their partner more than once, but somehow manage to go back.
This is a cycle that happens till they come to the absolute decision of leaving that relationship for good. Many times, this can be very scary for them and that’s something abusers use to their advantage. But why is leaving an abusive relationship so difficult? Below are a few reasons.
Reasons Why Leaving an Abusive Relationship Can Be Difficult
Here are a few reasons why it can be hard to leave an abusive relationship.
1. Fear of Acceptance
Sometimes people do not want to admit they are being abused or have been in the past. This can be due to the embarrassment that comes from admitting it to other people. Or that which comes from admitting it to themselves. Especially people who pride themselves as being in control. Accepting this could feel like defeat.
Another reason is society which often times blames the victim for being abused or staying too long when they discovered it. Again, it gives a projection of weakness which isn’t so.
2. Hope For Change
People in abusive relationships sometimes stay back because they hope their partners will change. They hope things will get better and then they can leave everything behind and start all over. This could be because they have so much faith in their relationships and do not want to be the one to give up.
They also have this train of thought because their partners usually promise they will change, beg for another chance, or act different for a little while then fall back to old patterns.
3. Manipulation
Manipulation plays a very key role in abusive relationships. When a person begins to doubt everything and the abuser makes them feel like they are blowing things out of proportion, it can be classified as gas lighting.
One common trait of abusers is breaking your spirit little by little. They then ensure that you cut ties with your friends and family. This leaves the abused completely dependent on them.
4. Financial Dependence
Individuals who are completely dependent on another can find these patterns but it might be so hard to leave regardless. They feel completely helpless when they try to stand up for themselves because they get punished.
The abuse may withdraw any form of financial support from them, their family or whoever is in need of their financial assistance. Thereby leaving the abused crawling back in order to fulfill their monetary needs.
5. Pressure From Other Parties
Sometimes people experience difficulties leaving abusive relationships because of pressure from others to keep their marriage strong. This could be pressure from the family who do not want to be embarrassed or society who feels people (especially women) should work through the difficulties of marriage regardless.
This can leave an abused feeling lost and alone. Especially when their kids are used as a manipulative point. They just decide to stay till something happens. Or make peace with the idea this is their life now.
6. Threats From the Abuser
Abusers sometimes threaten to harm the abused if they run away or leave them. They can threaten harm on the kids or other members of the family. Sometimes they can threaten to harm themselves and this can leave the abused in a conundrum.
7. Difficulty Recognizing Abuse
As mentioned earlier, a lot of people associate abuse with physical harm but it’s a lot more than that. As long as there isn’t any form of physical harm, they may not view it as abuse.
Lots of people are in relationships where they are manipulated but the lack of physical abuse makes them feel they are just imagining it. Another way gaslighting comes into play.
8. Trauma and Isolation
People who have suffered a lot of traumas from their childhood may find themselves in abusive relationships because it’s a life they are used to. Those who spend it in isolation may find it difficult to build the strength to leave.
The abused may be scared of being alone all their lives and settle for a love they thing they deserve. No matter how unhealthy it might become.
Helpful Tips In Leaving An Abusive Relationship
Leaving an abusive relationship may be difficult but you should be assured that it is possible. Here are ways to help you make your decision and leave for good.
1. Make The Decision Internally
Before you leave a relationship physically, it is important to make this decision internally. Come to terms with your world and how it affects you as a person. Understand that there is more out there and you deserve to find it.
When this reflection is made, it makes it easier to stand firm in whatever decision you go with. Understand that no one can help you if you do not want to be helped.
2. Understand Abuse Isn’t Love
Sometimes abusive partners make you feel like they hit you out of jealousy or are distant emotionally because they have a lot on their minds. In relationships, especially healthy ones, these excuses are void.
They do not love you and the minute you decide to leave, you should be prepared to overcome a truckload of gaslighting.
3. It Is Not Your Fault
Sometimes the abuser can make you feel like you’re the reason for everything. You somehow get convinced it’s more of you than it is of them. This is how manipulation works. It is important to acknowledge that they are the monsters and not you.
No matter what, you are not responsible for an abuser’s actions even when they try to pain it like you are.
4. It Could Get Worse
The thing about abuse is that it usually gets worse and not better. Emotional abuse can escalate to physical which could lead to a terrible outcome. You shouldn’t wait for that before you decide to leave.
5. Talk To Someone
If you feel like you’re going crazy and having a hard time identifying abuse, talk to someone about it. Someone who really cares for you and are insightful will want the very best for you. If you don’t have that then seek professional help.
Abusive relationships can leave people as the shadow of themselves in most cases. Standing up and giving yourself a chance is the first step to freedom.
