It’s one thing to experience heartbreak. But divorce is another ball game altogether.
The claim that divorce only happens to a certain personality trait is untrue. It happens to different people, regardless of personality trait, gender, tribe, religion, or race.
However, introverts and extroverts have different ways of dealing with divorce. This function largely depends on their personality trait. Extroverts obtain energy by interacting with other people. They’ll most likely deal with their heartbreak by mingling with others and jumping right back into the dating game.
Introverts, on the other hand, deal with their emotions silently. They’d rather watch a heart-wrenching movie series on Netflix and scroll through previous romantic messages than open up to people.
If you’re an introvert going through the divorce process, you know that the process is not an easy one. Every appointment with the divorce lawyer takes a piece of you away. You’re left completely drained and desolate.
However, you’re not alone. Here are ways you can deal with divorce and heal. It may be a gradual and painful process, but it will be worth the sacrifice.
Most importantly, don’t give yourself a timeline to heal. They say time heals all wounds, but how long it will take depends on you. Don’t rush the process.
How Introverts can heal from a divorce
- You need alone time
Introverts naturally like solitude. They love staying in silence to recharge their social battery. It helps them to think deeply about previous activities and decide the next course of action.
There is no other activity that will be more rewarding than having alone time. You need time to process the details of your previous relationships, to get your act together. After years with your partner, you’d need this time to process information.
Don’t pressurize yourself to start socializing again when you’re not ready. Use this time to reevaluate yourself and your choices. You can also use this time to learn a new skill, get a new hobby, or try out that thing that you’ve always wanted to do.
It becomes bad when you use your alone time to sulk up in depression. Most introverts keep having mental replays of their favorite moments with their partner, and they become sad. Have a timeline for reflection. Use the remaining time to explore other areas of your life that you hid because of the relationship.
- Plan for the post-divorce phase
This is so important. In most cases, people get so absorbed in relationships that they forget to improve themselves. They forsake important aspects of their personal lives that they have nothing to return to when they get divorced.
We see it all the time in relationships, especially with women. They stop calling their friends when they get a new man. Skipping girl hangouts or important events to hang out with their man becomes a norm.
They claim they don’t have time to check up on their friends, but they do video calls with their man all day.
When the relationship fails, they run back to the thing they once forsook- friendship.
Now, let’s assume this is your case, unfortunately. You need to plan for the post-divorce phase. Watching TV or reading books may become monotonous after a while.
What are the things you wanted to do or achieve but your relationship got in the way? Set up a strategy that will help you to achieve your goals soon. It may be a good way to help you recover.
- Social media is not your friend at this point
Yes, social media has its advantages. It connects you to the outside world and allows you to meet people that you’d not have met otherwise. Social media gives you the opportunity to know what is happening globally from the comfort of your home.
However, social media is not your friend at this point. Social media can be a minefield. Introverts should learn to tread softly, especially those that are very sensitive.
Firstly, you don’t need any form of interaction or social engagement at this point. Social media is unfiltered, and any unnecessary content or conversation will put you under some form of pressure.
You don’t need that right now.
Social media is a mixture of lies and truth (but mostly lies). It’s filled with people trying to put up the best parts of themselves online. They don’t show you their bad or depressing moments.
So, you may feel at the bottom of the barrel when you see others living their “supposed” best life. Stay off social media for a while and protect your mental health.
- Don’t rush to be with someone new
This is one of the worst mistakes you can make as an introvert. Healing from divorce requires time, patience, and effort. Don’t expect to heal in a very short time.
You see, introverts are very deep people. They don’t connect with just anybody. Dating is a big deal for them. It’s a bigger deal when they’ve been connected to someone for a long time, and now looking for a replacement.
Now, your friends may be telling you to forget about your previous partner by getting someone new. They’d even introduce you to their single friends. But don’t be in a hurry to be with someone new.
Learn to be comfortable around yourself. Enjoy your own company so that you’d know what trash company feels like. When you value your company, you will take your time to select someone that will be worthy of enjoying the time with you. You’d value and respect yourself more.
If you rush into a new relationship without properly healing, you’d crash out of it fast.
- Leave your comfort zone
This sounds awful for introverts because they thrive in their comfort zone.
Yes, this article encourages introverts to stay in their comfort zone to enhance the healing process. However, you should leave your comfort zone once in a while. Leaving your comfort zone can help to distract you from your present circumstances. It helps you to stop feeling sorry for yourself.
This is also in line with making plans during the post-divorce stage. You should take up new challenges because you never know what you can do unless you try. This doesn’t have to be complex. You can take little steps like leaving your house and going on a solo outing.
When you do things out of your comfort zone, you will start building confidence in yourself and trying out bigger tasks. Relationships have a way of shielding our potential, especially when our partners are not supportive of our goals and dreams.
You need this stage to discover your capacity and how far you can go. With time, you’d be able to bounce back to your normal lifestyle, but not without scars.
- Talk to someone about your pain
Yes. Introverts have the power of rationalizing things in their mind. They are good at finding solutions to their problems without talking to anyone because they think deeply.
However, talking to someone about your pain will help you greatly. When you carry so much pain and hurt in your heart for long, it can build up hatred and resentment. It can cause you to make adverse decisions that can hurt your future.
You mustn’t talk to your friends. There are several good psychotherapists that can help to analyze your pain subjectively and help you to heal.
Professional therapy helps you to discover loopholes in your previous relationship and how to get the best out of your next one.
Don’t always assume that you can deal with your problems yourself. The possibility of healing on your own is there, but it can be fastened when you have someone to be accountable to.
Talking to someone keeps your mental health in check. It takes care of your well-being and ensures that you remain healthy physically and mentally. When you offload your burden on someone else, you feel lighter and better. Protect your mental health at all costs.
- Don’t hide for too long
Society wasn’t built for introverts. It’s too busy and noisy. Troubling situations like a divorce can force you to stay in solitude and hide from the rest of the world.
However, don’t be deceived. Solitude can be addictive. You suddenly find fresh freedom that allows you to do whatever you want with no boundaries or restrictions whatsoever. It may be tempting to hide for a very long time and not want to associate with anyone again.
You may become antisocial or develop imposter syndrome as a result.
Don’t do that to yourself. Instead, organize a mini lunch with your female friends. Join a new club. Volunteer at a shelter or orphanage. Lend your hand to a worthy cause.
What are your hobbies? Engage in activities surrounding it. For instance, if you love reading books, join a live book club. Attend book signing events of your favorite authors. If you love music, attend concerts of your favorite musicians.
Nobody can exist as an island. You can’t run away from people forever. The earlier you get back to the real world and associate with people, the better for your mental health.
