Dating for introverts can be complete torture. Not the date itself but everything preceding that event. Introverts do not find dating easy for various reasons.
For one, introverts completely detest small talk. Small talk is known to be the bane of the introvert community and for good reasons too. When I’m faced with dreadful small talk, I always just want the other party to go straight to the point.
But then that just scares people away because I come off as mean. Another reason why dating can be difficult for introverts like me.
But in order to find a significant other, we must do what we aren’t complete fans of. Compromise they say but it works and one of those things includes small talk.
As an introvert, you’d rather just go about your activities, mostly indoors, which eliminates the chance of meeting someone new. Then let’s talk about online dating.
You see someone online and you find them cute, but then you know you can’t go through the stress of keeping up with them so you never want to pursue it. Hence the conundrum.
But in other to find your own person, it is required by society and nature but put yourself out there. Except of course you’re super lucky and you meet someone while grocery shopping. (This is assuming you do your shopping in person). And you guys just hit it off.
You stay together forever you never have to resume the process of dating and finding a significant partner. Sounds like a dream really.
Reasons Dating for Introverts Can Be Difficult
Excluding small talk, fear of intimacy, and potential anxiety, it can be completely mentally draining. When we let people into our lives, we adjust our schedules to accommodate them. When they leave, they render us disorganized.
Some introverts suffer from social anxiety and this can pose a threat to any relationship. They do not want to be where they aren’t understood or aren’t wanted. That’s why being in a space of their own, where they have complete control, is usually desired.
Introverts tend to make great companions who are loyal and understanding. But before getting to that stage, it can be all too challenging.
Relationships alter your life, no matter how little. That’s something most introverts do not want to engage in out of fear or pure reluctance.
What makes it worse is an introvert who has been hurt before. Their curse of overthinking suddenly takes its course and would feel everyone would hurt them eventually.
However, they crave intimacy just as much as they hear it. But putting yourself out there helps you know your options and if you’re willing to deal with them.
Ways To Put Yourself Out There
Dating for introverts sometimes needs a little strategizing. So here are few ways you can put yourself out there.
1. Small Talk Is Going to Happen
Unfortunately, you’ll have to endure it and sometimes it’s not so bad. I’ve noticed small talk as a way people get to know other people. You can’t skip it and start talking straight-up meaningful things.
Here’s the thing about small talks: they feel superficial and boring. But don’t read too much into it. You’ll need to overcome that in order to let the other party know how you can’t handle it.
Sometimes I let it out easy to people who do nothing but small talk. “Hey I’m not really a fan of small talk but I promise I’ll be willing to listen if you have something to tell me”. Normally not something I would let out but then it’s better than leaving people on read.
With someone you’re interested in, or on a date, you don’t want to dump a lot of information on them. It can be risky and unwelcome by the other party.
So let the small talk happen. Talk about things you’d usually avoid and see where it goes. Slowly and eventually, you’ll start talking about things you actually are interested in.
Consider small talk to be a road that leads to a much more interesting conversation. “Yes indeed, I have had dinner this evening. I had rice and it tasted great”
2. Random Conversations Should Be Welcomed
Usually, engaging in random conversations isn’t a go-to for most introverts. When people are talking, they just let them do their thing. Maybe having comments but keeping it to themselves.
Other times we use earphones to block out the conversation. But that isn’t putting yourself out there. You should be a little bit more open to random conversation. You never know what you might learn.
Oh, and yes you might find a future spouse that way. Engaging in conversations around you helps you notice more people. Of course, this isn’t insinuating butting into conversations where you’re not welcomed.
Most times introverts tend to attract extroverts and vice versa. It’s the complexities of our nature and beauty in the dynamics of human nature. Two introverts can make a great couple but how would they get to meet in the first place?
This brings us to the next point.
3. Be Who You Really Are: An Introvert
The last thing you want to do when putting yourself out there is becoming someone you’re not. That just attracts the wrong people and you can’t keep up the façade forever. Sooner or later, the curtains will come down.
You should strive to be who you are. Introverts are generally misunderstood. So, it is a great opportunity to educate someone. You can also get to ask the other party if they are more introverted or extroverted.
Meeting in public places or parties, you’re sure to meet a lot of different personalities. Introverts, Extroverts, and Ambiverts. Even in the world of introverts, there are similarities and differences.
When starting an online profile, you don’t want to pretend to be more extroverted. It’s completely okay being introverted even when people do not get it sometimes. You need to attract the right people.
4. Try Online Dating
Online dating can be tricky but social media has helped a lot of introverts express themselves more than they ever would have.
Maybe you shouldn’t date online but it’s an Avenue to meet new people. People you might share similar interests with for one.
Meeting people online does not eliminate small talk but it makes it easier. Plus, you can just go right into a meaningful conversation. Depending on how and where you meet someone.
5. Do Not Force Things
No matter what you do, you don’t want to fake a spark. You need to know that things like this are best when they happen organically.
You can meet people doing the things you love, and sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone. It’s usually best to find people this way than having to deal with crazy pick-up lines.
Except you’re hoping to meet someone online, you would want to leave your home. Try grocery shopping on your own once in a while. Say yes to a party as your energy permits.
Remember to have fun and not center your entire activities on finding someone. There are so many other interesting things these tips can help you realize.
6. Don’t Give Up After Rejection
It’s only normal to want to curl back into your shell once you’re faced with rejection but you might want to pause on that. Rejection happens to the best of us. Do not let it defeat you.
Do not dwell too much on a romantic rejection. It’s not always you, they probably aren’t just interested and that’s okay.
Sometimes as introverts it’s normal to want to pursue a person because we can’t imagine starting all over again. But that leaves to drained and exhausted.
Introverts are great at overthinking. Sometimes we tend to think out a problem that doesn’t really exist. You need to take it slow.
Dating For Introvert
Dating for introverts can be challenging. If you’ve been hurt before, it makes it all the more tiring because you don’t want to go through that again.
It can make you reluctant in wanting to give someone a chance no matter how genuine they are. Or let’s say you’ve invested a lot of time in a person but they just aren’t interested.
It can be difficult to let go. Partly because you liked them and partly because it’s mentally exhausting for you. But that’s exactly what you want to do. Let them go.
Even as introverts who enjoy solitude, it is normal to get lonely from time to time. Needing a partner in our own space. Someone who we know would be there for us. Someone who we can be there for as well.
We need someone with who we can share a lot of things and not regret every bit of it. But it’s a lot of mental work and that’s why we avoid it. That does not make it any better.
So, if you have an introvert looking to find love and companionship, putting in a little more effort is what you need to do. Hoping for the best but not getting consumed in the quest.
