Dating an introvert can be cute. But it’s not a walk in the park.
Now, most people think it’s easier for introverts to date other introverts because they’d understand themselves better, but that’s not necessarily the case.
Sometimes, one introvert may be in the mood to hang out and socialize with family and friends but the other is exhausted. They may also have differences in behavior due to personality type and enneagrams. So, there are several things you have to consider and compromise on.
Well, life doesn’t always work that way. Most introverts end up dating extroverts even with huge personality differences. Maybe it’s because they balance each other.
Extroverts gain energy by socializing with other people. Introverts, on the other hand, gain energy by staying in solitude.
So, introverts are attracted to extroverts because of their social nature. But extroverts are attracted to introverts because they can calm the restless parts of their personality.
It isn’t easy for either personality. If you’re dating an introvert, here are the top ten things you should know.
Top 10 Facts About Dating an Introvert
- Introverts don’t thrive on small talk
Desist from small talk when dating an introvert. This is because they prefer deeper conversations that ignite ideas. They prefer to do this with a small group of friends. They feel it’s boring and makes no point.
Introverts also feel that small talk distracts people from real and authentic conversations. When they exchange pleasantries and talk about senseless things, they don’t get to know their conversation partners very well or exchange meaningful ideas.
Furthermore, small talk breeds fear in introverts. Why?
Introverts worry about being in the spotlight. They like to process their thoughts internally before giving a response. This is not the same with extroverts. They process their thoughts externally.
They may not be able to give instant and concrete contributions to that discussion when they engage in thoughtless conversations.
This may reduce their self-esteem and confidence.
- Stop trying to change your introvert partner
This is so important, especially when an extrovert is dating an introvert. People tell introverts that they are always too quiet or too reserved. Others make them feel like they should change to blend in with others.
Understand that they can’t change their personality, just the way you can’t change yours.
As an extrovert, you may want to attend parties and show off your partner but he/she may not be cut out for that. Introverts would prefer staying indoors to attending a party.
Recommended: Understanding Introvert vs Antisocial Classification
If you really need them to attend a social gathering, give them prior notice. They need to psychologically prepare themselves and recharge their social battery.
It’s hard being an introvert. Everyone else is trying to change them. Don’t join the mob too.
You wouldn’t like it if someone tries to force you to keep quiet now, would you?
- Introverts take time to warm up to people
Dating an introvert requires a tremendous amount of patience. This is because they won’t warm up to you immediately.
People assume that extroverts find it easy to date because of their social, bubbly, and lively nature. While that is true, introverts usually end up having meaningful and deep romantic relationships. They have deep conversations with people before entering such a deal.
They are most comfortable with one-on-one discussions.
Take time with them. Be interested in the little aspects of their lives. Listen to them carefully. Do this without judging because introverts often have the weirdest reasons for doing things.
Learn about their likes and dislikes. Don’t criticize them for having such preferences.
- Understand that silence is priceless when dating an introvert
You need to get used to silence when dating an introvert. Silence is so powerful for them. Firstly, it allows them to process their experiences and thoughts carefully. In a world designed for extroverts, introverts try to restrict any form of external stimulation. But it isn’t easy.
Messages, notifications, and other demands bombard them even at home.
Silence helps them to nurture their needs and fulfill them, instead of exposing them to the world and having a faceless audience define how they should feel.
Also, silence helps them to appreciate their surroundings. It’s easier to bask in the warmth of the sun than having a thousand tongues talking at the same time. The beauty of silence is indescribable.
Furthermore, silence refreshes the body. It reduces blood pressure, regenerates dying brain cells, and even reduces stress, thus improving the quality of life.
Now, this leads to the next point
- Don’t be overly critical of their silence
Introverts know that they’re quiet. Don’t constantly remind them that they are.
This is closely related to being patient with them and understanding that silence is priceless. As mentioned earlier, the world is designed for extroverts. Everyone is expected to be social, bubbly, jovial, and lively.
Everyone expects introverts to be more social and lively. People assume that introverts won’t be suited for certain roles that require outspokenness or being social. Some people are even too hasty to assume that introverts won’t make good leaders.
But no one tells extroverts to shut up once in a while!
Extroverts dating introverts should understand that they’re probably processing information, thoughts, or experiences that they have had that day.
Once you see this pattern, don’t always criticize their silence. A lot of things might be going through their head.
They’ll get back to you when they’re done processing their thoughts.
- Pity their social battery
Introverts need to decompress after a long day. It’s so hard working as an introvert in a world that constantly demands your time, energy, and attention.
Working-class introverts barely have time to themselves in 24 hours. The world is noisy, so it doesn’t appreciate the beauty of solitude.
The world is slowly tilting towards remote work. So, you’d think that introverts can have quiet moments to themselves at intervals, but no. There is always something that robs them of their attention.
So, give them the needed space when they get home. Don’t bombard them with a hundred different activities. No, they don’t have to follow you to that party after work. They don’t have to join you for dinner at a fancy restaurant down the street.
Understanding is very important in relationships. You need to understand how your partner operates and learn to compromise in certain situations.
- They need alone time
Most extroverts that date introverts often have this problem. They always want to talk about their day’s experiences, attend one social event, or simply try out new places with their partner. But he/she may not be up for it.
Do you want your partner to function optimally?
If yes, give them some time alone. You don’t have to be in their faces all the time.
If they request alone time, don’t feel like they want to get rid of you. Introverts just need time to process their feelings and thoughts. They may also be socially exhausted.
Your partner may want to be with you but their social battery doesn’t allow them to function that way. They will be absent-minded in your conversations if they are socially exhausted. Your partner will also overlook little details that they normally would have noticed.
You wouldn’t like that now, would you?
They’ll come out healthier and be more eager to spend time with you when they are fully recharged.
- Don’t expect us to think out loud
This is something that extroverts can’t relate to. When an introvert is silent, people will make all kinds of assumptions. Most times, they will ask them whether something is bothering them. Or if they’re upset about an event or person.
In most cases, nothing is wrong. They are just having quiet moments.
When dating an introvert, understand that silence doesn’t mean absent-mindedness or lack of interest in the conversation. Introverts prefer to think in silence than to think out loud. They need time to process their thoughts.
This also applies to seeking their opinions. If you want quality advice, state your problems to an introvert and give them some time to think. Most introverts can’t process their thoughts quickly. It’s often half-baked when they do.
They’d then go into their “quiet place” and think about all the things they should have said or contributed.
- They prefer low-key date nights to extravagant social events
An introvert will prefer watching a movie and cuddling with you than attending a lavish party. This is because they easily get tired at these events, especially when they don’t know a lot of people there.
As mentioned earlier, don’t criticize their decision to stay at home on weekends.
You wouldn’t love your introverted girlfriend or boyfriend to go to that event and feel awkward now, would you?
Instead of getting them to try different fancy restaurants, you can set a fancy dinner on the dining table. Decorate the place with rose petals and place scented candles at strategic locations. Romantic music on the side will set the mood appropriately.
If you want an outdoor date, consider taking a walk in nature. You can hold hands and talk about the kind of future you envisage. If your partner loves art, you could stroll through an art museum (preferably when there aren’t so many people)
- They need to be nudged once in a while
Your introverted partner needs to be nudged once in a while to do certain things even though he/she requires their space.
No man can exist on their own. We need to interact with one another to grow. Most introverts are super comfortable living in their shells. It’s okay to nudge them once in a while to leave their comfort zones, especially when it will be beneficial to them.
