How do you make an introverted friend speak up more often? A common, unfair misconception about introverts is that they don’t talk. On the contrary, an introvert is not exactly a lone ranger per se. They can be very chatty under the right circumstances; right time and with the right people.
People love hanging out with friends that understand that they are introverts. These friends should understand that they are busy with their own thoughts and feelings, which become a reason for their minimized contact with other people.
As a good friend, you have to know who they are and what they are comfortable with. When you are a new friend to an Introvert, it may take some time for the person to speak up and share their thoughts with you.
This singular act has exposed them to questions like: “You don’t talk that much, do you?” and “Why are you so quiet?”. These common questions (along with many more) that introverts will hear in their lifetime could be a turn off for them when it comes to opening up to people. In all you do resist the urge to say words like, “Why do you talk less?”
To make an introverted friend speak up, you need to know what’s going on behind their quiet demeanor. In the next section, we will show you twelve powerful ways to help make that happen.
How to make an introverted friend speak up
- Meet at places they feel comfortable
Introverts always prefer quiet places to loud and crowded ones. They love solitude. If they find themselves in any noisy place, they would obviously want to leave. Yes, they feel comfortable with the right people but the circumstances have to be perfect, environment inclusive.
One of the best ways to make an introverted friend speak up is by meeting in comfortable areas. Since it is unlikely that you are going to find them in crowded place, a library or a park with less people could be a perfect place for them.
Even when you find them speaking in such crowdy situations, it’s probably because they have been too overstimulation due to peer pressure. It’s only a matter of time for them to get drained and loose interest in the whole scenerio. For highly sensitive introverts that love being in control of their personal space, it will be a total turn off.
- Partake in hobbies they love
Introverts have very different hobbies from those extroverts have. An introvert prefers solitary activities like reading, writing or playing an instrument etc. It will be wise to spend time participating in such hobbies that they enjoy.
To build the trust required to make an introvert open up, shared interest must come into play. The best way to go about this is to share the hobbies they love.
For those that love books, read their kind of genre and discuss the book with them. This way you get their opinions on some matters and they get yours. The gap of relationship gets thinner enabling trust.
- Talk about what they like
It is always hard for introverts to break the ice and start talking. They generally hate small talks. So when you what they like to talk about, stick to it to make them comfortable with you.
Go further to ask them questions around their areas of interest. They appreciate people desiring to know what they think about.
- Appreciate them
Although introverts avoid public attention, they like being appreciated for something they have done. Due to their nature they end up doing more behind the scenes work and there is tendency that extroverted teammates would take most of the praise.
To get introverts in this situation to speak up, you have to appreciate even the little efforts they put into the success of any group work. They would start to open up and feel safe and happy around you. Once an introvert starts feeling appreciated and accepted for whom he/she is, then it becomes easier to talk for him/her.
- Be comfortable with silence
Introverts think a lot before they talk, they think about their response and the possible reactions to expect. This creates moments of silence when having a discussion with them.
No matter how many questions you ask or conversations you start, it’s difficult to modify someone’s innate nature. You need to find a way to deal with those moments if you must get them to speak up. Otherwise they will feel like they are boring you and cut you off entirely.
- Let the conversations be slow
To make an introvert speak up, you have to be patient. When they take a pause, wait. Don’t start acting up when they don’t speak for a long time.
Allow them to get comfortable around you; they need to know you a bit first.
Since introverts tend to be private people. They don’t open up to new people immediately. The progress of your discussion will be quite slow. You don’t expect them to tell you their lifestory just months into your friendship like most extroverts will do. You have to build trust first and get comfortable with the person.
- Don’t interrupt them
Introverts find it difficult to speak up and they like to think things through before they say something. Interupting them probably to prove a point going about telling your point might interfere with that thought process and they might end up shutting themselves down.
For someone you are trying to persuade to speak up it can be something that will discourage the person.
- Give them attention
If you are an extrovert, one problem you would have is focusing on one thing for a sustained amount of time. This will reflect even in discussions. There is the tendency for an extrovert to get distracted either by a passerby or even as little as an insect passing. This will probably make Introverts uncomfortable.
To make an introvert open up you must understand that introverts are great listeners so when they talk listen to them.
Moreover, listening to them without interrupting wouldn’t be enough. Make sure they appreciate your attention otherwise they might end up not expressing their feelings as they intended to. They must notice from your body language that you are paying attention.
- Text them
Introverts prefer texts. Most of them hate phone calls, and that isn’t surprising. Writing is a solitary and creative activities so most introverts are good writers. Introverts appreciate texting better than calls because of the time to think and ponder one novel ideas it gives them.
They are also able to control how and when they respond. They will be able to analyse their response, giving the best possible reply. In this situation, they cannot be easily taken unawares. They tend to respond better when talked to via mails as opposed to calls.
In this time of social media, they would prefer social media chats to calls as well. To make an introvert open up, chatting them on messaging platforms like Facebook messenger or whatsapp can give them the comfort and the freedom to be open.
- Bring their ideas to a bigger group
When introverts want to make a suggestion for a team for instance, they maybe talk to a particular teammate they feel comfortable. They are usually skeptical to uncoordinated backlash, not because they hate critism rather because of the energy it will demand of them to probably defend themselves.
To encourage them further to speak up this friend have to expose his ideas to the team while giving the introvert the supposed acknowledgement. This however should be done with wisdom especially when it’s a controversial opinion. Stating the opinion and getting the response before acknowledging them is better.
When the opinion is controversial and the team reacts to it, they may not feel the backlash and it will help their confidence. For an introvert to open up to you, you must be that person in a team that can stand in and be their mouthpiece especially without taking glory to yourself. This will sustain their interest in the team granting them an opportunity to keep making contributions.
If the information is welcomed, you acknowledge them.
- Balance out social activities with quiet times.
You can’t ignore their desire to be left alone sometimes. So as you make effort to make introverts speak up, give them space to recover from the energy drain.
If you want to make an introverted friend speak up more often, create a balance between activities that need a lot of social interaction and activities that are serene. A nice and quiet walk after the hush-hush of a long day with friends can really help them in recharging and balancing out the sapped energy.
This will help to preserve their social battery.
- Be there for them
When introverts socialize, they put in their very best to build the best relationships with people. They don’t just want people to talk to at convenience. They want people to share their life with. People that will be there on rainy days. If you desire to make an introvert speak up you must enter this small circle.
This will involve being their mouthpiece when they are confronted, making people understand their reactions which are generally misunderstood.
