Raising introverted children can be tricky, especially as an extroverted parent.
This means that your introverted child may find draining the social activities that you and your spouse may find energizing. This is all because we are all different on a behavioral level.
Humans are social animals. No one is ever designed to live in isolation. However, being introverted doesn’t mean the absence of socialization. It simply means that the child is more energized by solitude. These kids would rather stay in the rooms playing with toys than playing with their friends outside.
Many parents (especially extroverted ones) may try to break off the shell and force their children to socialize when they don’t want to. Even introverted parents who understand the power of solitude may try to encourage their kids to socialize more than necessary, due to fear of raising children with low self-esteem or who are susceptible to bullying.
There is nothing wrong with encouraging your child to socialize. However, you must understand that introverted children crave more solitude than necessary. As a parent, the key is to be able to communicate and understand when your child needs alone time to recharge.
In this article, we’ll look at the top mistakes parents often make with introverted children, and how to avoid them.
What mistakes do parents make with introverted children?
Giving them unwanted public attention
You don’t have to put them in the spotlight. Introverts aren’t typically confident when it comes to handling unwanted and sudden public attention. Even when it comes from people they already know. Making your child the center of attention can occur in two ways namely ;
Publicly making fun of them
Some parents often embarrass their children, especially in front of others. Extroverted parents are often culprits. Their exuberant and playful personality may intentionally involve making fun and teasing their children. Most times, parents do this not because they are mean but because they do this to lighten the mood and be funny.
However, you can avoid this by simply observing if your child can handle any jokes you make about him or her. For example, you could tease your kids when they’re alone or you’re both with a close family member. Your child will learn to handle the teasing with time. But if you continue to publicly make fun of your child, he/she will either miss the humor or resent you later.
Publicly rebuke them
Kids make a lot of mistakes. So what do you do when your introverted child makes a mistake? Well, what you certainly don’t want to do is humiliate and scold them in front of others, especially their peers.
Introverted children are highly self-conscious and are very likely to get humiliated even for a minor public scolding. They might just wish that the ground would open up and swallow them.
Ensure you correct their behavior privately. This means not even in the presence of another sibling. Then you can establish the learning curve more successfully.
Always engaging them
Some children flourish when they are exposed to several activities. Others don’t. The type of kids that might have difficulty handling several engagements is the introverted type. Generally, these kids require more downtime to reflect and rest their minds and body. Putting them in a simulation would get them overwhelmed and socially exhausted, thus, needing time to recharge.
So, what can you do when you notice that your child has been depleted of his/her social energy? The first thing is to plan their day and make sure to include some rest time. This rest time is vital. It gives your child time to recharge his/her social energy as frequently as possible.
Talking too much
Be a great listener. Ensure to listen to your children speak, instead of talking all the way. Extroverted parents make the mistake of endlessly talking all the way. It may seem as if you are giving valuable and insightful advice, but then all your words would fall on deaf ears. Your child will soon lose interest. They might even make some negative comments to show their displeasure.
In most cases, most extroverted parents tend to talk way too much when conversing with their children. Most people forget that the rule for holding these types of conversations is to listen 80% of the time and talk 20%. The best is to ask open-ended questions which will stimulate conversations with your child and make the child open up more.
Introducing your child to new people and situations often
It is typical for introverted children to feel overwhelmed, anxious, and drained whenever they go to a new environment or meet new people. So, if your child is introverted, don’t expect your child to become overly social and start talking to his/her peers quickly.
A lot of parents get it wrong here by trying to force the conversation with other kids. Pushing your child to open this way will also make him/her withdraw.
While there is nothing wrong with trying to make your child interact more, it is important to know when to back off. You could introduce them slowly to others by either having your child stand close to you at a comfortable distance and then taking time to watch the event and process everything. Another way is to discuss the event with your child beforehand and tell him/her what the event is about, who is going to be there, what to say etc.
Mocking their quiet behavior
Demeaning your child’s behavior makes them even more withdrawn. They are naturally too self-conscious, and forcing them to talk when they don’t want to makes them withdraw further.
They might also have a hard time greeting acquaintances of yours or ignoring the hellos that come their way. Of course, their plan isn’t to be rude but most just find it difficult to be friendly to acquaintances. Sometimes, they could also be battling with social anxiety or are simply antisocial.
The most effective way to get the best out of your introverted child is to avoid scolding them. Ensure that they smile or nod whenever someone says hi or hello to them. This will teach them to be polite.
Comparing them with others
No one likes to be compared with someone else, especially kids.
Comparing introverted children with their other extroverted peers does more harm than good. Why? Because they can already perceive that they do not measure up to the world’s extroverted ideals.
It’s common for them to face issues regarding low self-esteem when they are constantly compared to others. Therefore, they start believing that they are not good enough and they will continue to enter their shell without any desire of leaving it.
To avoid this, remember that your introverted kids need a lot of boldness when they decide to speak to the public. It takes even more courage to express themselves with their words. So commend them when they start new conversations on their own.
If they are in a public space and someone tries to talk to them, don’t push them to talk when they don’t want to. Simply say “oh he/she talks when they want to, but not right now”. This will let the child know that you are okay with his/her quiet demeanor and they will always notice this.
Assuming they are always want to be quiet and alone
Introverts are known for being alone. However, this doesn’t mean that they don’t seek external attention and socialization. So yes, they need people actively involved in their lives. They enjoy playing with others. The difference between introverts and extroverts is that they tend to focus on having deeper, meaningful interactions with a close-knit group of friends rather than a crowd. Your average introvert just wants to talk with two or three people and that’s all.
It’s normal for your child to have periods of isolation. However, you might notice that your child is usually lonely or quiet, to the extent of not seeing his/her close friends. At this point, you could gently ask what is wrong.
Most times, the first answer they give makes it seem that everything is alright. But don’t stop there. Slowly persevere in your questions and ask intriguing questions. If they still hold back, they may just not want to talk at the moment. However, you have shown them that you do care about how they feel. It shows them that you are there for them whenever they need you.
