Being an introvert, losing friends is quite common in our world. There are so many reasons why these friendships don’t work out. Anyone can take the blame for the failure of friendships.
Introversion can be crazy for lack of a better term. The thing about introverts is their need for solitude in order to function. However, this need can push people away in so many ways.
Let me give an example. As an introvert you’re frequently invited to social events which you often decline. This makes it difficult for people to invite you subsequently because they feel you wouldn’t come.
This seems like Christmas to you because in the first instance, you prefer your solitude to anything else. However, things begin going a little rocky when you actually want to attend these events but have no one to invite you.
It starts when no one invites you to social events. Eventually, you find yourself all alone. You get no invitations, calls, or even texts. Again, this seems like a good thing till you get to the point where you actually do need that socializing.
Introverts do not thrive on social interactions just like extroverts. No amount of socializing can be too little for an introvert to need recharge time.
Introverts And Friendships
Introverts are often loyal people. When they enter relationships, they value it so much. They lean more towards the quality of friends they have, rather than the quantity.
Introverts possess a calm, collected and intuitive nature. They are very protective of their space and think long and hard before letting anyone in. But if there’s one thing you should know about introverts, it’s that they are terrible at keeping friendships.
An introvert losing friends is because of his/her personality type which they find difficult to navigate sometimes. They get completely lost in their own world that they forget the outside world exists.
As fascinating as that might sound, the outside world does exist. Sooner or later, introverts crave these relationships but unfortunately haven’t cultivated any. They might have even lost the ones they already had.
It wouldn’t be completely fair to blame it entirely on introverts. Just as introverts can find it difficult to maintain friendships, there are people who do not understand them as well.
The right of passage for every introvert is feeling like you do not belong. It involves feeling different and alone sometimes. Finding people who understand your personality trait can be difficult. Understanding someone else’s can also pose a challenge.
Generally, friendships are a lot of mental work for an introvert.
Introverts Losing Extroverted Friends
Introverts find it difficult to let anyone in. They spend most of their hours alone. They engage in activities that do not require assistance from other people. When they do open up to someone however, they are honest.
In friendships and love, introverts are known to be very honest. They are protective of not just their space but those that they love. Introverts have an unmatched level of loyalty. But then, in a world where they aren’t sure what goes, they’d rather just be on their own.
Friendships between introverts and extroverts can be very challenging. Extroverts thrive by socializing; introverts thrive in solitude. Problems might arise when no one wants to compromise.
Extroverts are social butterflies who want to be out there. Sometimes, they get lost in their own world and eventually leave the introverts behind.
Introverts get lost in their own world; they forget the art of compromising. They unintentionally subject extroverts to solitude where they do not belong. This leads to a rift between both parties and this results in the introvert losing friends.
It has been discovered by a lot of introverts, myself included, that they all need an extroverted figure in their lives. This extrovert helps them engage in activities they might find initially absurd.
It gives them a chance to see the world from another perspective and just enjoy the moment. It keeps them away from self doubt, overthinking and feeling left out.
Introvert Losing Other Introvert Friends
Friendships with other introverts might seem like the best bet for an introvert. However, that isn’t always the case because there are differences amongst introverts themselves. If you have any knowledge of Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), you’ll notice these differences.
Introverts come in different types. Some are thinkers and some are feelers. Some are sensors and others are intuitive. A beautiful and complex blend shows there could be difficulties in friendships amongst different groups.
Personality type aside, introverts have similarities which make them alike in more ways than one. They are generally bad at keeping in touch with people and require their alone time.
So, when two introverts become friends, it’s safe to wonder where the fate of that friendship lies. This is in no way implying that two introverts cannot be friends. They both understand their personalities and this can be an advantage.
There would be no anger or sadness from not being called often. You both understand your need for alone time. Chances are you would want to engage in similar activities. Ultimately, it’s the perfect friendship.
Introverts Losing Friends? Challenges of Introverted Friendships
As mentioned earlier, introverts find it difficult keeping friends. They have a lifestyle which they get lost in at the detriment of their cultivated relationships. Here are a few causes of introverts losing friends.
1. Difficulty Staying in Touch
I’ll reference myself as an example to this. I’ve had to create a reminder to call people. This doesn’t mean I do not care about them. I just for some reason forget.
I go through my activities of the day, as I lay in bed, I remember someone who had said “you never call or text. You don’t even reply to our calls or texts”. So, I say to myself “I’ll do that tomorrow”. Tomorrow comes and I get lost in my activities and it happens all over again.
There are so many reasons why this happens for an introvert. Considering they have different energy levels, finding a balance can be tough.
Another reason is withdrawal. When introverts are going through a difficulty, they separate themselves from the rest of the world. They need what I call a super alone time. Spending a lot of this time alone, however, doesn’t give people the chance to be there for you.
Another reason is just forgetfulness as I mentioned. Getting lost in their own world, activities, hobbies, projects, thoughts and fantasies. They may forget about the world for a long time.
2. Overthinking True Intentions
Sometimes introverts are plagued with the idea that if they reach out to someone, what use would it be? They may forget about reaching out to them just like everyone else. This eventually ruins the friendship.
So, this makes them overthink the action and decide to avoid it entirely. Also, introverts are very protective of themselves. Thus, when people begin getting too close, they begin to panic.
This panic can lead to insecurity and the need to push the other party away. It makes them feel vulnerable and they don’t like that. Introverts aren’t so good at expressing their emotions.
Sometimes they don’t even understand it. They are so used to being misunderstood with little to no attention nor acceptance from people around them. So even when someone is true, they can be a bit skeptical.
This can make them reluctant to accepting new friendships, even when they are lonely. Sometimes, we need that extra push from people. But then they do not want to invade our space nor have time for that.
The other party might feel exhausted going after a friendship that comes off forced. Then they eventually quit trying and this results in the introvert losing friends.
3. Questioning The Purpose
With the way introverts live their lives and derive their energy from themselves, they can go a long time without physical contact. Sometimes, however, contact is needed to maintaining a friendship.
Introverts sometimes wonder the purpose of the friendship. They can feel overwhelmed by the simple demands of making a friendship work. Plus, they always expect to be hurt by the other party.
Most introverts will not stay in a friendship that is stressing them out a lot or hurting their feelings. They’ll quietly withdraw. However, this is after a series of regret.
They might feel “if I hadn’t let this person in, they wouldn’t have had the chance to hurt me”. So, sometimes their anger is directed at themselves.
They proceed to withdrawing and spending time in the comfort of their own space. In their space, they feel they can’t be hurt and they are in control of the situation. There they are sure of the true intentions in a room.
Do Not Let Your Introversion Ruin Your Friendships
Here are a few ways to protect your friendship as an introvert.
1. Talk More and Yes, On the Phone
Anyone who knows me knows that I hate talking over the phone. I only do that when I really want to talk and hear another voice other than mine. I also talk on the phone when I really like the person or when it’s super important.
Introverts completely detest making phone calls. They’ll rather text most times but even that can be draining. This makes it difficult for their friends to reach out to them. No one should have to second guess talking to a friend.
The good thing is that introverts are great listeners. If you have a need for a listening ear, they would be at your service. They just hate shallow socializing and this includes calls.
Sometimes, friendship is calling or texting someone something funny you just saw. Pick the damn call! Of course, coming to a compromise with your friends helps.
“I hate talking on the phone but for you, I’ll do it more. You just gotta promise not to call me every time you remember you own a cell phone”.
2. Show Your Friends You Actually Care About the Friendship
I’ve been in situations where people thought I didn’t care about something. Why? Because I wasn’t as expressive as they were. I have my own ways I express myself and being cliché can be difficult for me.
This is the same with a lot of introverts who find it difficult to express their emotions. Not being demonstrative with how you feel can often be misinterpreted.
But for the sake of friendship, a little adjustment wouldn’t hurt. Saying maybe a little more than you usually do can help. Telling them that you appreciate them is not a bad idea.
Of course, if these are friends who truly know you, they’ll understand that you don’t say what you don’t mean. Find the easier method of showing your appreciation and use that.
3. It’s Okay to Be Vulnerable to The Right Person
Yes, the bane of every introvert; Vulnerability. This is very difficult for introverts because they do not like being hurt. When an introvert gets hurt, they tend to blame themselves more.
Because introverts make great listeners, they can attract people to themselves. However, when it comes to sharing, they tend to keep things to themselves.
It can take so many layers to get to know certain introverts. Sometimes friendships seem too good to be true and there’s the fear of vulnerability to accompany it.
Introverts have to understand that being vulnerable is human nature. It’s okay to be vulnerable around people who are worth it. How do you know for certain someone is worth it?
You don’t. You just hope for the best.
But this helps you see the efforts your friends are putting in. It makes you understand the beauty of friendship and enriches it.
Introverts Losing Friends: The Need to Overcome
Friendships are beautiful and trying to maintain one is important. As much as we love our quiet time as introverts, there are times we need a friend.
Pushing people away makes it hard to have a friend when you truly need one. Hopefully this article helps you maintain and cultivate genuine friendships. You shouldn’t be that introvert losing friends.
