In a world where it seems you might never find love due to current situation of the dating pool or you don’t believe in yourself enough, being desperate for love is not the right approach.
Of course, you have no control over it or so you think. But there are ways to stop being desperate for love and take it as it comes. Most of these ways include inner reflection.
Let’s say you’re in your 20s or even your 30s and you’re single. It seems everyone around you is dating, engaged or married and then there’s you. At first you might not seem to care. You have other parts of your live-in order so why bother?
Sooner or later the intrusive thoughts begin to creep in and you start realizing how single you are. You have no one to talk about your day or have them tell you about theirs. No one to call your own person.
Now you begin to hope for a serious relationship. At first when these thoughts come, you might avoid them instead of addressing them. They begin to spiral into more overwhelming thoughts and you begin to say to yourself “I am desperate”.
And even if you don’t say it in words, you feel it in you feel it in your heart and belly. But entering a relationship when you’re desperate can be detrimental for several reasons.
- You might overlook certain unhealthy aspects of your relationship because you do not want it to end.
- The fear of going back to being lonely can leave to vulnerable to an abusive partner.
- You might end up being more unhappy than before and still find it difficult to leave.
- The reason for your relationship is more out of desperation than love.
Before we find out ways to overcome this feeling, let’s talk about the benefits of being single.
Benefits Of Being Single
There are a good number of benefits of being single. It might seem everyone in the world is in a happy relationship. But you should know that not all relationships equal happiness.
Some people get into relationships because of desperation and endure the abuse and sadness it brings. Some people never got the hang of loving themselves so they take whatever they get.
An important reason why self love is important before venturing into a relationship is because of these reasons:
- When you love yourself, you’re more aware of things people do for and to you.
- You know the difference between abuse and love. That way you can’t easily be manipulated.
- It is a lot easier to know and appreciate any love given to you at that time.
- You are more in control of your feelings and know when it’s time to let go.
- Relationships do not complete you. They just complement your already existing and complete life.
- You’re comfortable with yourself and do not need the extra validation to feel worthy of anything.
- You enjoy your alone time and have a life outside your relationship.
Back to the benefits of being single;
Single people tend to focus more on what they do not have instead of thinking about the good things they have currently. You’re in charge of all the shots you take and you can be selfish with it.
Of course, a healthy relationship isn’t restricting but you always have to consider the other party and compromise. So, whenever the desperate thoughts start intruding, fight them off with this.
Being desperate can make you always want to look your best, or being at the right place at the right time, you simply forget to live. Love can find you in your sweats. With your hair messy and your life in a wreck.
Love doesn’t have to come to you when you’re “perfect”. It comes to you when you aren’t but doesn’t mind.
Overcoming The Feeling of Desperation
The next time you feel overwhelmed by the desperation of being in a relationship, ask yourself these questions:
- Why do I want a relationship?
- What do I want from a relationship?
- Who do I see myself in a relationship with?
- What aspects of my life are important to me?
- Where do I see myself and my partner?
These questions can help you decipher a lot more. Give you an insight and help you reflect on if indeed you want a relationship or you’re just being pressured into one.
Think of the Important Parts of Your Life
Thinking of things in your life that are important to you can help you identify a worthy partner when the time comes. It also gives you an insight of your current life and what you have and do not have.
Generally, 6 areas of life are very important to look into and they are; money, health, lifestyle, work, beliefs and family.
Considering this list is in no order, ask yourself areas that are more important to you. Where do you value and prioritize the most? Are you comfortable with them or you need them to change?
Ask yourself where you want to be in the future with these 6 categories and if your desperation for love and relationships fit into it. You should know that there are no right or wrong answers to your life.
Most times people fall in love with other people who aren’t exactly their types. But because they share certain values, they end up being together for a pretty long time. And of course, in a healthy relationship.
What Do You Need in A Partner?
Being desperate for love can make you pick the wrong people and that’s what this article is here to prevent. You shouldn’t get into something because everyone is doing it. What you should do is go in because it’s what you want.
Get out a book or anywhere you can write out things. List the things you want in a partner that aren’t superficial and things that are. Define what you want your relationship to look like and how you want to feel in it.
List the things you feel you’d love to do for your partner as well as things you’d love them to do for you. Understand your love language and ask yourself if you’re willing to learn your partner’s love language too.
Now write down deal breakers which can range from smoking, drinking, womanizing to closed mindedness, insensitivity financial debt and terrible manners.
It is usually best to write this list with a clear head because when you start meeting people, your desperation can make it hard for you to see the signs. And even if you do, you might overlook it.
Bottom Line
It is important to know that relationships do not equal happiness and neither is being single. Relationships do not complete you but instead complement you. Entering one when you’re not ready might lead to bad experiences.
Do not force it. You can make yourself more available by going out more especially if you’re heavily introverted. But nothing that isn’t comfortable for you. And when you do, try to live in the moment.
When you’re have a more positive approach to both single hood and relationships, you might find what you’re looking for. Till then, you can take it a step at a time. There’s no need to rush.
