How to Defeat Social Anxiety as an Introvert

Social Anxiety is a big problem. Unfortunately, it’s not spoken about often because this world is designed for extroverts.

If you’re suffering from social anxiety, the world may not give you specific solutions. It can be annoying when other people will tell you to “talk to more people” or “go out often”. Even though they’re right, it’s not easy to do so.

They don’t give you specific solutions on how to talk to people with confidence, without thinking twice. Most people see social anxiety as something that is switched on and off. It’s a problem that has been affecting you for years. A couple of conversations with people might not solve it.

Parties, events, and everyday conversations can be nerve-racking. Social anxiety will affect your work performance because you’d have to meet people at some point. When it comes to public speaking, you’d pee on your pants. You can’t even think about it.

Public speaking scares you to death.

Note that social anxiety can affect both introverts and extroverts. Not all introverts are socially anxious, and not all extroverts have a good social life.

Before we look at how to overcome social anxiety, how can you differentiate between introversion and social anxiety?

Let’s find out, ladies and gentlemen.

Difference between Social Anxiety and Introversion

Yes, there is a difference between social anxiety and introversion. Here are the unique differences between social anxiety and introversion

Introversion is a personality. Social anxiety is a disorder.

Social anxiety is fueled by fear. It can make you leave a party because you feel you’re a misfit. You don’t mind if you miss the fun parts of that event, or if others will miss you.

Social anxiety prevents you from living life. You’d miss out on life when you always leave social settings or refuse to interact with other people. It’s either you’re absent physically or always mute in social settings. You don’t say anything because you feel you’ll say something stupid.

Introversion, on the other hand, has unique effects. You value your peace and solitude more than anything as an introvert. You don’t criticize yourself or feel bad when you leave social settings because you need to recharge. Your social battery has gone down.

Most times, introverts would rather stay home and watch Netflix than engage in conversations with several people. Introverts choose to leave. Fear doesn’t drive this choice.

Introversion is internal. Social anxiety is external.

Introversion is part of your personality. It’s an inborn trait. Social anxiety, on the other hand, is more or less a function of our temperament.

Some people have social anxiety as a genetic predisposition, but it’s quite rare. If you look at it from the other side, you might have social anxiety “genes”, but your life experiences can pull the trigger.

What are these life experiences?

We can become socially anxious mistakenly. Life experiences may teach us that we don’t measure up to certain societal expectations. Our parents may have spoken words to us and we unconsciously internalized them.

You may have grown up being too worried or conscious about what people thought of you. Social traumas like body shaming and bullying may have also scarred you.

You may also learn social anxiety by avoiding certain scenarios that take us out of our comfort zone.

Social anxiety thrives on perfectionism. Introversion doesn’t.

Social anxiety often stems from the need or innate desire to be perfect. Nothing in life can be shades of grey. It either has to be black, white, or non-existent.

Unfortunately, society is far from perfect. Our world is far from perfect. The more you try to live a perfect life, the more society squeezes out any iota of perfection from you.

Socially anxious people try this all-or-nothing approach because they want to eliminate as much harsh criticism as possible. They try to be witty or charming or both. Unfortunately, life will throw these harsh criticisms at you one way or the other.

You’d be putting yourself in a self-destructive cage if you do.

non-anxious introverts, on the other hand, aren’t bothered about these kinds of things. It’s okay to sprinkle your presentations with bits of “uhms” here and there, but you’re sure there’s nothing at stake. You don’t feel any form of pressure or judgment.

4. Social anxiety reveals fear. Introversion doesn’t.

Most socially anxious people feel like there’s something wrong with them. They often don’t say it out loud, but their actions may sometimes reveal it.

This perceived flaw may be physically or in our character. A physical flaw could be turning visibly red when you stand up to speak in public.

A character flaw could be the fear of people calling you stupid when you speak up in public settings or failing a social performance. You fear that you might just stand there frozen or start stuttering endlessly.

It doesn’t matter the flaw. You fear that it might be revealed, that’s why you shy away from social settings. That is why social events or large groups of people scare the hell out of you.

non-anxious introverts don’t have any fear because there is nothing to hide. What they show you are who they are.

Now that you understand the difference between social anxiety and introversion, how can you overcome social anxiety?

Let’s find out

Overcome Social Anxiety With These Steps

Acknowledge the social anxiety fear

Socially anxious people almost never admit that they have social anxiety. They often hide under the introversion umbrella. This is why most extroverts try to associate with introversion to justify this problem.

You can’t fight a problem that you’ve never acknowledged its existence. The first way to overcome a problem is to admit that you have it in the first place.

When you become aware of this problem, you’d realize that you’re not alone. You’d see that your problem is not as enormous as your emotions try to portray it. Your mind starts looking for ways to ardently solve it.

Shut off your inner critic

Social anxiety can cause us to develop imposter syndrome. It prevents us from carrying out life-changing activities or meeting life-changing people. Especially when it comes to meeting people.

Most times, we talk ourselves out of talking to new people because we think they might see us as boring. We may even feel that they may not like us at first sight.

But how would we know when we have never tried?

You need to learn to shut off the inner critics in our heads and minds. It can be a real jerk, a killjoy. It can prevent us from living our best lives or mingling with the most amazing people.

You sabotage yourself when you allow this inner critic to rule your life. Next time you hear this inner voice, imagine it as a high-pitched ruffled mouse. Quickly pick it by the tail, fling it out the door, and shut the door real good. Shut the door tight.

Your goals should be achievable and realistic

So, you’ve decided to overcome social anxiety this time around. You’ve put your best foot forward. Understand that you won’t recover from social anxiety in the blink of an eye. Your growth and healing will be a gradual process.

If you’re battling with this problem, you won’t just go and talk to the first person you see. That’s a recipe for disaster. You need to hold on and take calculated steps towards achieving your goals.

Set a timeline and realistic goals. For instance, you can start by smiling at the first five to ten people that you come across. This smile should be genuine. Then the next thing should be trying to maintain eye contact with one person. Just one person per day.

With time, you can increase the number of persons and grow from there. That way, you won’t be pressured to jump out of social anxiety quickly.

Have a big reason for overcoming social anxiety

In other words, have a bigger why.

What is your motivation for overcoming social anxiety? Why do you want to overcome social anxiety?

When we want to do something big and scary, we have big motivations for doing it. We also give ourselves large incentives.

As an introvert, you need to have a big reason for overcoming social anxiety. That is the only way you can stay consistent on your growth plan. It’s not enough to simply want to be popular or likable. Your end goal should be worth the sacrifice.

Sit down and think about why you want to overcome social anxiety. It may be working in a field that requires you to be in the public eye, and you want to climb the ladder faster.

You may also want to overcome this anxiety because you’ve seen it rob you of great opportunities. Maybe you’re also tired of being called names. Your struggles should be worth it at the end of the day.

Talk to someone about it

This is also in line with acknowledging your fear. It may seem counterintuitive to try to talk to someone when you have issues talking to people.

However, it’s good to lay your burdens on someone who will understand. Talking to someone about it helps you to realize that you’re not alone. It will help you to understand that there is nothing happening to you that hasn’t happened to someone else before.

Therapists are highly recommended for this. You can go through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with the help of a therapist. BetterHelp has the best set of therapists to cater to your needs.

Disclaimer: This is not a sponsored post.

If you don’t want to go through that, you can simply talk to a trusted person. Better still, it should be someone who has overcome social anxiety and is doing exploits.

You’d feel a lot relaxed and better if you do.