Do you know how to be vulnerable as an introvert? Many introverts struggle with vulnerability and that’s not surprising. Contrary to popular opinion, vulnerability isn’t a result of our personality types. Yes, introverts tend to be more vulnerable than extroverts because they seek intimacy on a deeper level, but that isn’t the bane of that action.
In most cases, people’s level of vulnerability is often caused by their attachment style. People with secure attachments are usually more comfortable opening up about their weaknesses and insecurities. Those with insecure attachments find it hard to open up to people due to trauma and/or bad experiences in their childhood.
This can be pretty frustrating as an introvert, especially if you desire a deeper connection with people. Deep connections aren’t formed on the surface. People bond with one another based on the level of shared interests, secrets, and vulnerability.
You can’t achieve this if your response to any emotional connection is to shut people out.
In this article, we’ll be exploring how introverts can learn to be more vulnerable and use fear to their advantage.
What is Vulnerability?
Vulnerability is the ability to be physically or emotionally wounded. No one describes vulnerability better than Brene Brown, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage”.
Whether we like it or not, every human interaction requires some form of vulnerability. When we extend a hand or offer a sincere compliment, we’re unsure of how people will receive it.
Vulnerability helps us to lay ourselves bare before people we trust. If you don’t know how to be vulnerable as an introvert, you would never be able to relate with people on a deep level or gain trust.
If vulnerability is such an essential component of human interaction, why then do people find it so difficult?
Why Do People Find it Hard to be Vulnerable?
In most cases, people don’t choose to not be vulnerable. They don’t just know how to be vulnerable as introverts often due to negative childhood experiences and trauma.
But here are some major reasons why people choose to hide behind closed walls:
You’ve been trained to feel like a burden
If you grew up in households that lacked love and empathy and saw child raising as trouble, then you’d subconsciously feel like one.
For instance, let’s assume you grew up in a single-parent household and your mother had to work multiple jobs to keep the house sane. Your mother will most likely not pay attention to your emotional concerns because of choking responsibilities. She will treat your concerns as trivial.
In that scenario, you find it hard to open up to her because you’re afraid of adding to her concerns. This attitude extends to every relationship you have.
You find it hard to trust people
It’s okay if you don’t know how to be vulnerable as an introvert due to trust issues.
People develop trust issues for different reasons. Most of them take their time before trusting others, and it’s not a bad thing. The world is not a bed of roses, so first impressions based on emotions can be deceiving. They look for sustainable character traits in people before they lay bare before them.
Now, personality types can affect the way people trust others. Thinkers are hardly swayed by emotions, so they ensure that you earn their trust first. Feelers, on the other hand, believe they can trust everyone and end up getting hurt.
Trauma and unfulfilled expectations
When someone experiences a traumatic event, they shut people out, making vulnerability less appealing to them. If we were vulnerable to someone and got hurt, we wouldn’t want to expose ourselves to other people again.
In this case, emotion shielding becomes a defense mechanism.
You won’t believe your emotions are important
Most introverts are good at studying other people except themselves. They know when someone else is down, in need of emotional support, or needs someone to listen to them.
The good part? They are excellent listeners and are very empathetic. They know how to absorb everyone else’s problems as though they were theirs.
The bad part? They barely open up to others because they don’t feel they’re worthy of such graciousness. They don’t acknowledge their emotional needs, and if they do any chance, they treat it with levity.
Now that it’s clear why you don’t know how to be vulnerable as an introvert, how can you overcome this?
Vulnerability VS Oversharing: Are They Different?
Vulnerability isn’t the same as oversharing, even though they’re often used interchangeably. It is self-care. It allows you to not only lay yourself bare with people you trust but also set healthy boundaries as an introvert.
Vulnerability helps you to deal with complex emotions and form deep connections with people. If someone upsets you, calling them out is an act of vulnerability. At that moment, you choose to not allow the hatred and upset to cloud the connection you have with that person.
Oversharing, however, simply means exposing yourself by venting emotions. When you vent your emotions excessively, you appear weak, clingy, and less connected to your speaking partner.
Top Tips on How to Be Vulnerable As An Introvert
How do you master vulnerability as an introvert? Here are the top six tips on how to do this effortlessly
Know the people rooting for you
You can’t be vulnerable with everybody. Even though you’re pure-hearted, not everyone is as pure-hearted as you are. If you’re vulnerable with such people, they’d only end up reaping you off.
Instead, seek people who are genuinely rooting for you. There are people in your life who support you and you feel comfortable in their presence. It doesn’t have to be a multitude. One or two people can suffice.
Now, this is super easy to do, except you still think you’re a burden. Firstly, change your perspective and mindset about yourself and see vulnerability as a strength, not a weakness. If you struggle to confide in people, remember the times you allowed yourself to absorb other people’s problems. You deserve that too.
The only way to grow intimacy in any relationship, whether casual, romantic or business relationship, is to have difficult conversations. The one that irks your skin. That is only when you can become your truest, most authentic self.
Difficult conversations not only help us to clarify what we really want in the relationship but also help us to define boundaries.
Ask
It sounds easy, right? It’s not in any way. Asking for what you want is one of the hardest things to do because most people were trained to settle. As long as everyone else wasn’t doing better, you should be comfortable with the status quo. You shouldn’t complain because there are other people yearning for that opportunity.
Vulnerability helps us to speak up and demand the things we truly deserve. You don’t have to settle for that job, pay, or uneventful activity. You shouldn’t feel like a burden or be comfortable with something you’re unhappy about. If you don’t like it, talk about it. Keeping burdens to yourself wouldn’t help you in any way.
Express your creativity
In the words of Jesus, “A candle shouldn’t be lit and placed under the bed. It should be placed on the lampstand for the whole world to see”.
Your creativity isn’t for you. Most of your gifts and natural talents aren’t. They are meant to uplift other people, regardless of their gender, race, and political orientation. People who struggle with vulnerability find it hard to share their creativity with the world. They just sit in their rooms and let their creative abilities run wild, but no one gets to benefit from it.
Being vulnerable helps you to put out your creative work into the world, regardless of how small you think it is.
Take it gradually
Most introverts have an unhealthy view of communication. It’s either they talk or they don’t, or they open up or they don’t. If you’ve been trained in an environment that encouraged emotional blandness or you experienced something traumatic that made you close up, you may find vulnerability difficult.
Where do you, then, draw the line between saying too much and saying too little?
The trick is to take it easy. You shouldn’t start talking about your weaknesses and emotions to Dick, Tom, and Harry. Strike the right balance. Find out who roots for you, who is emotionally mature to handle your insecurities (this is important for romantic relationships), and who has great listening skills. Be vulnerable when you want to.
You don’t have to share
Wait, what? Isn’t this article about being vulnerable as introverts?
It’s not your fault that you don’t know how to be vulnerable as an introvert. So, you don’t have to share if you aren’t ready. Vulnerability takes courage, and that’s not something you’ll always have the strength to muster even though it’s a liberating experience. If you don’t feel like sharing, you don’t have to.
Don’t feel pressured. There is no good or bad way to go about this. Just figure out what works for you.
