Do you know how to set boundaries as an introvert? People have all kinds of connotations about boundary setting. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean cutting people or your favorite activities off. It only means striking a balance with the time you give yourself and other people.
Setting boundaries is a form of self-care. When you set boundaries, you not only preserve your energy but also teach people how to treat and respect you.
It’s more important for introverts to set boundaries because it helps them to avoid feelings of anger, hatred, and unnecessary resentment. Boundaries help them to share their time and space with people when they’re ready to, not forced to.
Why should Introverts set boundaries?
Introverts should learn to set boundaries as a life skill.
Unfortunately, our society is designed for extroversion. Every person we meet or activity we engage in requires some form of interaction. Almost making it impossible for introverts to have their quiet space to recharge and recuperate.
Introverts are somewhat coerced to forsake their introversion tendencies and show up/stay at times that count. They often feel pressured to conform to certain societal standards that are highly extroverted in nature.
If you keep sharing your time and energy with every person or activity, two things are likely going to occur. Either you’d end up burned out and feeling a surge of negative emotions, or you’d feel guilty that you’re not meeting up as expected.
If this describes your experience, you shouldn’t feel this way. Setting boundaries can help to prevent these ugly experiences. They can help you to maintain a healthy and happy life, whilst protecting their time and energy. There are certain issues you wouldn’t have to deal with when you know how to set boundaries as an introvert.
When you set firm and realistic boundaries, it prevents extroverted expectations from being plunged down your throat. You have a say when and how you spend your time with no expectations whatsoever.
Now that you understand the importance of setting boundaries as an introvert, how can you do it?
How To Set Boundaries As An Introvert
Learn to say No
Most introverts are so tied to public validation and approval that they find it difficult to say no. They’d rather sacrifice their time and peace to do what other people want than say no and be themselves.
In fact, people that are in Enneagram type 3 pride themselves on public approval. They are so concerned about what people think of them, so they sacrifice a huge chunk of their time to please other people. It can either be direct or indirect.
The first step to setting boundaries as an introvert is to learn to say no. Say No to things, places, or people that disturb your peace or are not what you want to do. Don’t be pressured to do things because of parental or societal expectations. You will regret it.
Know what sucks your energy
Now, you have to look inward. Every introvert finds one activity that is constantly draining their energy and enthusiasm. In most cases, it’s work-related. What is that activity that you carry out on the weekend that is sapping your energy?
Do you feel unmotivated at work? Is there an aspect of your job you’re uncomfortable with? Do you often work very late to get your quota done? Are there people in your life who constantly drain your energy?
Figure out everything that drains your energy, be it your job, your relationships, your social interactions, or even your personal beliefs. Do this preferably in descending order, from the highest to the least. That way, you know what problems need to be tackled before the others.
Deal with the Energy Drainers
Now that you know what drains your energy, it’s time to deal with it. Most people are afraid of dealing with energy drainers because of personal attachment.
They don’t want to come off as too rude, harsh, or insensitive. But remember, you’re the main character of your story. You’re the priority. Placing your mental health above all others isn’t selfishness. It’s self-care.
If there is an activity that saps your energy, stop engaging. Or at least, reduce the time spent on it. If you always leave late from work, endeavor to leave earlier than usual. You’ll not miss out on anything, and there is always more work to be done. Learning effective time management tips for work productivity can also be helpful.
Schedule some ‘me’ time
Prioritize relaxation time. Work can be draining and stressful, so you need a time out to take care of your mind and body. The common misconception about self-care is that the ideal time to take care of yourself is once a week. It may be one free day on your calendar when you do nothing else than relax.
That shouldn’t be the case. You can’t subject your body throughout the week to rigorous work and have only one day to yourself. It leaves you burned out in the long run.
Here’s what you can do- schedule out blocks of time on different days throughout the week. It may be on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday, or any other day that’s convenient. You can choose the evenings of those days to do something you absolutely love.
Society shouldn’t teach you how to set your boundaries as an introvert. Learn to spend time with yourself and find out what rocks your boat.
Don’t be tied to your phone
The act of resting is supposed to be wholesome. It mustn’t necessarily be lying on your bed and reading a book. Rest and relaxation can mean different things for different people.
It may be a walk on the beach or a quick stroll around the neighborhood. In other cases, it may mean visiting friends or watching the sunset.
Unfortunately, our phones are always with us when we engage in these activities. Not only do they divide our attention, but also increase our anxiety indirectly. It may start from reading an article online, and the next thing you’re responding to WhatsApp messages.
This leaves you as overwhelmed as you were before you tried to rest. The phone was merely a distraction. Learn to leave your phone alone for a couple of hours. You will not miss that next life-changing opportunity.
Do something out of your comfort zone for a change
Wait. Aren’t boundaries meant to protect us and keep up in our comfort zone for as long as possible?
Yes. But doing something out of your comfort zone helps to strengthen and reinforce these boundaries. Firstly, it builds your confidence. A good number of introverts aren’t very confident with themselves. When you do something outside your comfort zone, it helps you to shake things up a bit and do things without the pressure of meeting anyone’s expectations.
Instead of staying home and watching a movie on Netflix, try going to a concert. You can even organize a small dinner at your place for your family or close friends. This removes you from the shackles of doing things according to societal expectations.
Be very firm about your boundaries
You can know how to set boundaries as an introvert and be firm with them. Don’t expect to get a round of applause when you start setting new boundaries.
Boundaries help to filter the people in our lives. The people that want to remain in your life will alter their behavior. Others that don’t will quietly use the door.
Introverts can set boundaries one at a time so that they can easily settle within their confines. It also gives other people time to adjust themselves to your new lifestyle.
For instance, if someone constantly calls you late at 10 pm without an urgent reason, politely let the person know that such calls will not be tolerated henceforth. If your boss is used to you working late, let him/her know that you wouldn’t be doing that anymore. You have other obligations to tend to.
Consider the impact of your job on your mental health
Unfortunately, a lot of introverts are hooked on jobs that don’t suit their personality type. These introverts take on extroverted jobs and are forced to play the role.
If you’ve realized this, this isn’t to say that you should abandon your job or change careers. The ball is in your court if you want to. But if you don’t, you need to change certain aspects of your job
Look at your job setup. What aspects of your job are draining you? Do you like your job description? Can you work as a team or do you prefer one-on-one interactions with clients?
As an introvert, do you enjoy the social interactions between you and your colleagues before and after work? Do you like competitive work environments? Can you thrive under pressure?
Plan your exit on time
It’s easy for introverts to get socially exhausted. Oftentimes, introverts are the first to sneak into bed after a movie or leave a party before everyone else. If you have this tendency, the best thing for you to do is to plan your exit on time.
For instance, give signs to someone else when you’re ready to go to bed. Inform the host of the party that you’d like to leave soon, instead of leaving abruptly. Tell your friends ahead of time that you’d like to go home soon after your hangout.
Pro tip: Take a cab to an event instead of driving. That way, you won’t be subjected to public opinion when you’re leaving.
Talk to people about this side of you
Introversion is not a disease. Being an introvert also doesn’t mean you’re shy or antisocial. Most people don’t know if they’re extroverted or introverted, so they judge certain behaviors and characteristics.
Extroverts don’t understand introverts. Even introverts don’t understand other introverts because of their personality type.
Talk about your introversion and the boundaries you’ve set up. Let them know why you did it and how it will affect you. This will help to uncover a lot of mysteries and answer questions that they might have.
How to set boundaries without offending
How to set boundaries as an introvert without offending can seem almost impossible. As mentioned earlier, people aren’t going to be excited that you’re setting boundaries in your life.
This means that they have to adjust the way they respond to you. We all know that human beings are averse to change.
Nevertheless, change is important. The first step is to be polite while firmly stating your boundaries. Don’t be pressured to change or revert to old ways if you feel some form of repulsion on their part. Politely say no to requests that you can’t handle and state your reasons.
Be you. The world will adjust.
